'Let them': The 'FAFO' trend will restore your faith in parenting

COMMENT: "If you're sick of seeing 'gentle parenting' everywhere, this approach will be a relief."

If seeing gentle parenting everywhere has been giving you the ick, don't worry. A new trend is on the rise - 'F**k Around and Find Out."

Known in 2025 as FAFO on social media, the parenting style encourages kids to 'find out' the natural consequences of their behaviour that they've been warned against (as long as they’re not in serious danger).

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"Authoritative Parenting but with a FAFO subgenre"

For example, a child might refuse to eat their dinner only to realise they’re hungry later, or want to go outside without a jacket and, unsurprisingly, get cold.

TikTok creator hey.im.janelle first shared her experience with FAFO parenting back in 2022, and it's recently gained much more attention as parents turn on the negotiating and discussions (and often sheltering) associated with gentle parenting.

“I practice authoritative parenting but within what I would consider a subgenre that I would call ‘f*ck around and find out’ parenting… [kids] get their natural consequences and get to figure out the way through them,” Janelle explains in her video. 

Then she provides an example of when she put FAFO parenting into action. 

@hey.im.janelle

Probably described by less uncouth parents as "learning from natural consequences," I've found that the #FAFO method helps kids learn much better than lectures do. #authoritativeparenting #parentsoftiktok #momsoftiktok

♬ original sound - hey.im.janelle

“This weekend I took my kid camping for the first time with the Cub Scouts. At one point, it was raining pretty hard and the kids were all just playing at the campsite. My son decided he didn’t want to wear his rain jacket anymore.”

Janelle said the decision was ultimately up to him and she told him she wouldn’t offer a new shirt if he got wet. Within 10 minutes, he realised what had happened and had to deal with the result. 

She does point out that if she had any genuine safety concerns or risk of “dangerous” consequences, she wouldn’t opt for FAFO. 

Most followers were quick to support her approach and shared their own experiences. 

“I love this. This is what we do. My kids are confident and polite and thinkers! You're doing great!” one viewer wrote.

Another said, “Because sometimes the best lesson isn’t a lecture, it’s experience. Learning from mistakes is how we grow.”

My kid definitely FAFO here LOL. Image: Nama Winston/TikTok

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"FAFO is my default style"

I've always believed in FAFO, and now that my son is almost 18, I can say that for us, it's worked. He's usually responded very quickly to the tactic, after seeing the natural consequences of his behaviour.

It's worked on everything from not doing homework or studying for a test, and being disappointed in the results, to having a mate tell him your breath stinks when he skipped brushing in the morning.

As my son grew up, I would say: "This is my advice to you, and I promise it's good. XXX will happen if you don't make a wise choice. But that's up to you."

The bottom line is that kids can block out words at the best of times, and even more so when they're being told what to do. That's a truth I acknowledged early on - probably because that's how I was parented. 

Potential cons of FAFO parenting

Of course, FAFO can have unexpected consequences, or severe natural consequences, so it's definitely a matter of assessing the scale of the potential outcomes - and safety comes first.

For example, driving when your child isn't wearing a seatbelt in order to get them to do so, will probably not end well. That's more of a FAFO lesson for you.

My almost-adult is now learning to drive and wants his music on while he does it; that's not a FAFO situation, either. That's a big no from me.

I'd also say that feigning complete indifference, to the point of making your child think you don't care about them or their safety, is  a possibility to be considered - it depends on the child and you know yours the best.

So, in my almost 18 years of parenting experience, I'd recommend this: issue the warning, explain what could go wrong, then, safely, let them FAFO. 

Originally published as 'Let them': The 'FAFO' trend will restore your faith in parenting