Man's vent about MIL and cafe etiquette backfires

He took to social media to vent about an "odd request" from his mother-in-law. What he didn't expect was the public's reaction. 

In this week's discussion of etiquette rules we might not have known about, we bring you a man who was told off by his mother-in-law for not practicing basic (albeit, old-school) manners at a restaurant. 

A man recently took to Reddit to vent about an incident while out dining with his wife, children, and visiting MIL. 

The question, posted to the AITAH-themed thread, was a simple one. 

"AITAH for refusing to remove my hat in a restaurant because my MIL said I was rude for not doing so, then telling her if she ever finds a gentleman to marry her again she can make him take off his hat," he asks. 

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"I wasn't putting up with her sh*t!"

The man went on to explain the scene in further detail. 

"My mother-in-law came into town and stayed with our family for a few days( wife, 2 kids and myself). We have never really gotten along and I told my wife I wasn't putting up with her shit and if she started like she always does I was going to go in on her. My wife doesn't really like her mother either and understands where I was coming from," he explained. 

In the first days of her visit, the MIL wanted to dine at one of her favourite restaurants, and that's when things turned a little nasty. 

"When we arrived and were seated after about 5 minutes she asked why I had not removed my baseball cap and I told her because I didn't feel like it. She then told me I was rude and that a gentleman always removes his hat in a restaurant," he shared. 

"I told her if she ever finds a gentleman to marry her again she can make him take off his hat but I'm keeping mine on so deal with it."

OOFT. As expected, the comment didn't land well.

RELATED: The unspoken cafe rule that Aussies can’t agree on

Is it rude to wear a hat at a restaurant or cafe? Image: iStock

Mortified by his lack of manners and respect, the MIL insisted they leave. 

"She got upset and said she wanted to leave because I was embarrassing her and I told her she can do as she pleases but my family was staying to eat," he went on to explain.

"My wife stepped in and told her mother to behave which really upset her so her mother went to sit in the car. We all ordered and ate our food while her mother stayed in the car the whole time. Her mother ended up leaving the next day a couple days early after she refused to talk to me the rest of the day and argued with my wife about me."

Totally acceptable or one step too far? The comments in the thread erupted. 

Is it OK to reserve park benches and pool chairs? We talk about more etiquette rules that divide people on Kidspot's podcast Mum Club. Listen and subscribe (below) wherever you get your podcasts so you never miss an episode.

The public unleashes

Unfortunately for him, his public vent didn't quite go as he hoped.

Many commenters stated that it was pretty obvious the man was ready to unleash before the MIL even arrived. 

"Feels like you were ready for a fight before it even started. Not sure the hat was the real issue here," one person commented. 

"Who cares if you were an asshole? That was kind of your goal wasn’t it? You got rid of MIL, congratulations. Carry on," another chimed in. 

Another agreed: "Why do I get the feeling you left the hat on knowing it would piss her off? YTA I pity your wife."

And another person insisted the man was definitely in the wrong - not for the hat, but for displaying such nasty behaviour in front of his children. 

"What a crappy dysfunctional environment! Yuck! And bonus points for showcasing all this poor behavior in front of your kids. This way they can learn and model their behavior on all these wonderful adults."

RELATED: I hate when parents let kids use iPads at restaurants

Is it rude to wear a hat while eating? 

Putting the public family tiff aside, the post made us think about the wider question of basic etiquette and if it is deemed "rude" to wear a hat over lunch. 

For decades, it has been seen as basic manners to remove a cap during a visit to a restaurant, church, and in some cases, in someone's house. Noticed old-school farmers taking off their Akubra's before sitting down for a cuppa? It's long been considered gentlemanly. 

But what about today? We asked a few Kidspotters what they thought of the unspoken rule. 

"I don't think it's rude to leave your hat on, unless it's a fancy restaurant then i'd consider taking it off," one person said. 

"I'd take it off inside restaurant but if I'm being made to sit outside in the sun because there isn't anywhere else I'm wearing my hat! Sun exposure is not something I'm playing with," another agreed.

And another mum said, while it might be considered basic manners, it's one rule that never really made sense to her. 

"I've always found it a strange rule as hats are worn inside churches. Life has evolved since the rule about hats in restaurants; those who still care about it probably also think women shouldn't vote."

Originally published as Man's vent about MIL and cafe etiquette backfires