Lili Greer on the trauma of not knowing where her missing mother is

Lili Greer was just 13 when her mum Tina, 32, went out to do laundry and never came home – but what happens to the family of the vanished?

The daughter of a missing woman believed to be murdered by her notorious bikie ex-boyfriend more than a decade ago is speaking out about devastating impact of losing someone who has vanished without a trace.

Lili Greer was just 13 when her mother Tina, 32, went out to do the laundry and never came home.

Now 27, Lili said her whole world was “torn apart in a matter of hours”, and has dedicated the years since her disappearance to giving her mum a voice.

Tina Greer was last seen by her family at a Beechmont Rd home on January 18, 2012.

She was intending to visit her abusive then boyfriend Les “Grumpy” Sharman – a long-term member of the notorious Finks bikie gang.

Sharman was considered a suspect in Ms Greer’s disappearance and murder but was never interviewed by police, nor formally charged.

He died in 2018 in a car crash.

Determined to uncover the truth, Lili fought for an inquest, which found in December 2023 that her mum had likely died “violently” at the hands of her now-dead boyfriend.

“My mum was my best friend. Our life was really complicated and was very difficult at moments but things were looking up for us — we’d gotten a new place and our life was heading into a new chapter,” Lili told news.com.au.

“And, unfortunately, her life was taken from her.

“She was an amazing, very resilient woman. She was so determined to have a great life.”

While Lili knows what likely happened to Ms Greer, her mothers body has never been found, despite multiple searches of remote sections of the surrounding national park.

“I am one of the ‘luckier’ family members that has a missing loved one because I know that she’s not alive,” she explained.

“But that doesn’t change the fact I don’t know where she is. I still live with that ambiguous loss.”

Lili and her mum Tina, who went missing in 2012. Picture: Supplied

Every year more than 56,000 people are reported to Australian police as missing, of those, 2700 are gone for more than 90 days and are classed as “long-term”.

Appearing on latest SBS Insight episode titled Gone Missing Lili explains the horrific impact on family members who have a loved one go missing, revealing many are forced to take on the role of advocate because they feel it’s their job — something she said they shouldn’t have to do.

“The hard thing about it — families with missing loved ones are still in it every day, it doesn’t matter if it’s a decade ago. It’s the nature of ambiguous loss,” Lili said.

“It’s a cycle of grief that’s never ending. Just because time has past, it doesn’t necessarily change the mental anguish that it causes.”

The lasting impact on Lili has seen her forge a career out of helping other families of missing people, as she now works as a family liaison officer for the The Missed Foundation.

The organisation was started by Loren O’Keeffe, the sister of long term missing person Daniel O’Keeffe, who went missing in 2011, prompting a nationwide search that ended in March 2016 with the devastating discovery of his suicide.

The Missed Foundation was founded 18 months after Mr O’Keeffe went missing to highlight the gaps in support and help loved ones navigate the traumatic ordeal that is ambiguous loss.

Lili said the issue is getting worse, estimating there has been a 40 per cent increase in the number of missing people in Australia since 2019.

“The numbers are continuing to rise and we have no commitment from the government, and the impact is lifelong if the loved one isn’t found,” she told news.com.au.

“If they are found, it’s never the outcome you hope for.

“I think we need to see significant investment in this space, because the impact on people’s health — physically and mentally — and the communities.”

She said, at a minimum, for every missing person at least 12 people are impacted by their disappearance, adding that the issue is so far reaching and so often overlooked.

While there is support available, organisations such as The Missed Foundation need funding in order to keep helping people.

This is where the government should step in, Lili said.

She added that because going missing isn’t a crime, it often means that families can’t access support such as victims services — which provides psychological and financial assistance.

Lili said she sat in this category until the coroner’s report more than a decade after her mum’s disappearance.

“Even just the time it takes — the administrative burden. People will quit their job in search for their missing loved one,” she said.

“It’s so different for every person, but it’s so difficult and it doesn’t need to be this hard. For instance, if there is no death certificate you can’t access their bank account. You’re still getting their mail to your house. What do you do with their things?

“It’s all these forgotten about traumas loved ones have to face. You can imagine how difficult it is when you’re getting your loved one’s mail to your house still, and you can’t stop it and you have to go through an uphill battle to stop it.”

She said when she used to seek professional help, many medical professionals aren’t equipped to deal with it.

Lili is fighting to make things easier for people like herself. Picture: Supplied

Lili said the biggest takeaway from sharing her story on SBS Insight was learning that that “missing” can mean different things.

“For instance, there is lost contact — which is when the person hasn’t been reported as missing to police but the family has lost contact,” she said.

“But the experience of those who have a long term missing loved one is vastly different to the other categories that are discussed in the show.”

For those wanting to help those struggling after a loved-one goes missing, she urged well-wishers to take caution, stating it’s easy to cause damage during such a difficult time.

“I would encourage everyone to take a great deal of care and consideration when it comes to someone who has a missing loved one,” she said.

For instance, Lili said she’s regularly asked what she thinks happened to her mum, something that already keeps her up at night. She added speculation doesn’t help.

To hear more of Lili Greer’s story, tune into SBS Insight at 8.30pm on Tuesday or SBS On Demand.

Originally published as Lili Greer on the trauma of not knowing where her missing mother is