Childhood obesity: Best ways to cope when bullying starts

IT’S the most common reason a child is bullied, but many parents don’t know how to deal with it.

How kids cope with bullying for being overweight depends on social skills.

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“MUM, a kid at school said I was fat.”

It’s a sentence that strikes dread through a parent’s veins. Your instinct tells you to soothe your child’s feelings straight away using words such as “Nonsense!” or “They’re just a bully, don’t listen to them!”

The fact is, while this response may assuage feelings temporarily, it may not be the best way to help your child in the long run if they’re overweight or obese.

Few parents accept that their child could have a weight issue and fewer do anything about it. According to a meta-analysis of 15,000 children published in Pediatrics in 2014, more than half of parents of an overweight child thought he or she was normal weight or under, or for those with an obese child, they believed he or she was normal weight or just slightly overweight.

“It’s such a touchy area,” says Lisa Renn, accredited practising dietitian and author of Diet Proof Your Kids.

“So many women have such a hard time with their own weight, there’s a natural resistance to subjecting their kids to talking about it.”

Considering the serious health implications – overweight and obese children are more likely to become obese adults and potentially lower their life spans by two years – it’s worth taking the opportunity to chat.

“It’s a difficult conversation to bring up with your child so if they come home and tell you they’ve been teased, use it as a golden opportunity,” clinical psychologist Dr Judith Locke says.

Build their self-esteem

The first step is making sure your child understands you’re on their side. “Start by saying, ‘that wasn’t very nice but let’s focus on what people like other people for’,” Renn says.

“A parent can say, ‘I choose my friends because they’re funny, caring and reliable. Nobody chooses friends because of what they look like. And if they do, they’re not really going to be great friends anyway’.”

Staying calm and positive is key.

Next, it’s about focusing on what your child’s body can do rather than what it looks like. “Draw attention to your child’s abilities,” Renn says.

Talk to them about how strong their legs are or other positive qualities they have.

Renn then suggests making a big effort as an entire family to eat healthily (see the box, right, for ideas).

Dr Locke agrees, “Teach your children how to make changes for themselves.”

Take action as a family

As parents, the best way to encourage realistic, lifelong healthy food and exercise habits is by modelling those yourselves. Never single out your child and make them feel like the problem lies with them alone.

Instead, Renn says it’s about returning to basics as a family.

“We know that two-thirds of people who go on diets gain the weight back,” she says.

“Dieting isn’t the answer. Going back to the old ways of eating is: cooking at home, mostly vegies with a bit of meat and a bit of carbs. Sometimes cake and chocolate. That’s what life is [about].”

Tackle the teasing

In the meantime, while those new, healthy choices take effect, what should your child say back to the schoolyard bullies? That depends on their social skills, Locke says.

“Sometimes it might be as simple as being ‘smart-alecy’, telling the other kids, ‘Yep I am big. I also have a big brain’,” Locke says.

Other strategies include ignoring the bully, telling them to stop, acting untroubled, or going somewhere safe.

Whatever the approach, ensure your child understands they’re not to blame for being teased. Also encourage them to talk to their teacher, so the school can help tackle it from their end.

Visit youthbeyondblue.com for more information on bullying.