LA's best bars the guide books don’t tell you about

Let me be your wingman on a pub crawl through LA’s legendary bar scene.

Los Angeles is a city that splits the jury. A lot of people, including millions of Americans, seem to hate it. Too sprawly, too full of Hollywood elites, too shiny and fake, lacking in a soul and a heart.

But I’ve always loved LA. It’s all those things, but it also has a crazy optimism – everybody is just one opportunity away from living the great American dream. There are great places to eat and drink and dozens of cities within the city – each with its own quirky personality. And there’s great weather – unless you visit in February, which appears to be the only month it rains in LA. And LA is not built for the rain.

New York handles rain, sleet and snow easily – everything is close and walkable, it has awnings and an underground subway. LA has none of these things. Rain kills LA. The roads flood, the outdoor shopping malls are redundant, the golf courses close and nobody wants to leave home.

But I’m a hardy correspondent and on a recent visit I still found a few places worth the surging Uber price (plus tip) to visit.

Let’s start in Hollywood, because that’s what we all do. I always start my visit somewhere around Sunset Boulevard and I’m beginning to wonder why. The Strip seems to lose a little more of its sheen on each trip. I visited more than a couple of bars that had been recommended and I can thoroughly recommend you look elsewhere. It has become a sad facsimile of itself. Even famous places like Whisky a Go Go and the Viper Room are nowhere near what they once were.

America has two great types of bar to my mind. The sports bar with a bit of a dive element, and the old-school cocktail bar, often adjoining a classic steakhouse. And the good news is Hollywood has two of the best.

On Hollywood Boulevard is Hollywood’s oldest bar-restaurant, the Musso & Frank Grill. Picture: Tina Whatcott-Echeverria.

My favourite sports bar in the city is Barney’s Beanery on Santa Monica Boulevard in We-Ho. While there are now five Barney’s, this is the original and the best. If I owned a bar I’d want it to be like Barney’s. Lots of space with heaps of nooks and crannies, a great bar where a stool is the prime spot, solid bar food and lots of sport on the dozen or so TVs. It has character by the shedload and great beer, fair pricing and excellent chicken wings. I spent an entire night eating only chicken wings and Barney’s were the second best we had. (The winner is coming up.) If there’s a big sports event on get into Barney’s early and you’re guaranteed a ripping time.

On the other side of Hollywood is a place a long way removed from Barney’s, but sharing its energy and authenticity. On Hollywood Boulevard, in the centre of one of the worst parts of LA, is Hollywood’s oldest bar-restaurant, the Musso & Frank Grill, founded in 1919. I adore it.

It’s manned by old-school waiters, each with a badge proclaiming length of service – most more than 20 years – and serves without question the strongest Martinis in the Western world. I mean they aren’t real Martinis; they are in fact giant Martini glasses full of straight cold gin, with a separate flask of extra Martini resting in crushed ice, ’cause one full glass wasn’t quite enough.It’s madness – beautiful, irresponsible, alcoholic madness. You have been warned.

Don’t even think about asking for vermouth in your Martini. I made the mistake on my first visit and received a look that said “Do you really deserve to be here?” Just strap yourself in and never have more than two unless you want to find yourself on the footpath rapping with Spider-Man in your undies.

Musso & Frank Grill serves without question the strongest Martinis in the Western world. Picture: Tina Whatcott-Echeverria

The food at Musso & Frank is classic American steakhouse, so stick to steak and remember that super-charming waiter, with the raffish grin, who loves your Aussie accent, expects at least a 25 per cent tip these days.

Two of my other favourite bars in LA are real locals’ spots that you’ll likely never read about in a guide book unless it’s written by me. The first is Wally’s, essentially a wine shop with a bar inside, on North Canyon Drive in Beverly Hills (there’s also a newer Santa Monica store). Wally’s is a wine-lovers dream and when I sign my first multimillion-dollar screenplay deal with Universal, it will be the first place I visit. Walls of incredibly curated wines and spirits fill your line of sight from all angles, but the best bit is they serve all the wines at a very reasonable mark-up at the bar with excellent cheese and snacks and a damn good burger.

Importantly, given the enormous breadth of choice (we’re talking 100-page wine list) the staff have great knowledge of booze and won’t upsell you unnecessarily. Too many American wine professionals are what we in Australia might refer to as “wankers”; these folks don’t seem to get jobs at Wally’s and that’s why I love it.

At the opposite end of the spectrum, and on the other side of town, is Ye Rustic Inn on Hillhurst Ave in Los Feliz. This is a bar where Angelinos go. It’s far enough from the tourist traps to be utterly real, utterly unpretentious and absolutely brilliant. Ye Rustic had our favourite Buffalo wings of the night on that Long Night of the Wings, along with really engaging staff (and they’re happy with basic tips), great draught beer and plenty of screens for the inevitable game you want to watch. You will definitely win cool points for having discovered this little locals’ gem – it’s even worth the Uber in the rain. Promise.

Originally published as LA's best bars the guide books don’t tell you about