7 signs you're stuck in an infinite dating loop

Time to mix things up

If you find yourself facing the same dating dilemmas again and again, you could be in a dating loop. Luckily, Hinge's Director of Relationship Science, Logan Ury has some tips to break the cycle.

Think you’ve found someone who’s perfect for you, only for your friends to say “of course” as soon as they act the same as all the boys who’ve come before them? You may be stuck in a dating loop. 

You can look for a blonde instead of the previous brunettes, prioritise humour instead of muscles, date an analyst instead of an electrician, think you’re dating someone who’s the furthest type of man away from your usual type and still end up dating the same person again and again.

Signs you're stuck in a dating loop

Some say it’s a habit, others just say it's bad luck and we’re simply compatible with who we’re compatible with, but one thing’s for sure,  dating loops are frustrating.

Hinge’s Director of Relationship Science, Logan Ury explains, “most dating loops stem from a lack of intentionality. We follow familiar patterns while hoping for different results.”

Dating the same type of person relentlessly can be disheartening and turn us off dating. It can be hard to truly break a dating loop, but according to Ury, there’s hope.

Some say it’s a habit, others just say it's bad luck and we’re simply compatible with who we’re compatible with. Image: Pexels

#1. You keep dating the same type of person

The dating expert says if sticking to your type never works out, “it’s time to date outside your comfort zone”. She suggests considering how you feel when you’re around this type of person, whether they bring the best out in you, and whether they’re actually emotionally available.

#2. Your relationships never progress 

If every time you almost get into a relationship, things die down, something's got to change.

If every time you almost get into a relationship, things die down, something's got to change. Image: Pexels

#3. You’re trapped with a pen pal

We’re going on dating apps to date. If you keep getting stuck with a pen pal, messaging for days or weeks, it’s time to meet up before the connection fizzles out.

#4. You go on Hinge without a plan

Ury says it’s important to make it clear what you’re looking for so you don’t “waste time on matches that don’t go anywhere.”

Consider if you want something serious or casual, if you’re open to love, and which qualities ‘matter to your long-term happiness?’

We’re going on dating apps to date. Image: Getty

#5. You avoid defining the relationship. 

56% of people on Hinge who have been in an undefined relationship said they didn’t know what the other person wanted, and 91% of them didn’t make their intentions clear. 

We’re sorry to say it but the “what are we” conversation is important. It doesn’t have to be awkward, and even if it is, wouldn’t you rather know before wasting your time? Bring it up.

#6. You have a “checklist” but no real criteria.

If your main priorities when looking for a partner involve their looks, job or hobbies, it’s easy to find yourself in a cycle of unsuccessful relationships.

Get clear on how you want to feel with a partner.

If your main priorities when looking for a partner involve their looks, job or hobbies, it’s easy to find yourself in a cycle of unsuccessful relationships. Image: Pexels

#7. You expect different results without changing your approach.

Ury says “If you keep repeating the same dating patterns but hoping for a different outcome, you’re stuck in a loop. It’s time to date differently.”

If you want real change, you need to make dating a priority. The dating coach suggests setting time aside for dates and messaging first.

Whether it’s pivoting away from your usual type, or changing the setting and situation of your date compared to your usual go-to, the advises that trying something new is a good way to break the cycle. 

Originally published as 7 signs you're stuck in an infinite dating loop