Simone Holtznagel: ‘I was just drinking every day and barely getting out of bed’

Simone Holtznagel has revealed how the tragic death of her mentor Charlotte Dawson sent her into a terrifying downward spiral.

Model Simone Holtznagel has opened up on how the death of her mentor and good friend Charlotte Dawson sent her into a spiral of drinking for months.

The now 28-year-old, who is competing on this season’s SAS, Australia had an anxiety attack as Chief Instructor Ant Middleton questioned her in Monday night’s episode.

“Calm down, relax,” Middleton urged Holtznagel, asking her where anxiety came from.

Holtznagel shared that she returns to the moment when she learnt her good friend and mentor had passed away.

Charlotte Dawson and Simone Holtznagel in Sydney in 2011. Picture: Supplied

The pair met when Holtznagel competed on the reality show Australia’s Next Top Model in 2011. Dawson was a judge renowned for her acerbic wit and no-nonsense critiques and became Holtznagel’s mentor during the show. And then a friend once the show ended.

On February 22, 2014, Charlotte Dawson ended her life. She was 47.

Model Simone Holtznagel cries as she opens up on how the death of her mentor and good friend Charlotte Dawson. Picture: Seven

“I collapsed to the ground when I found out that she had died,” Holtznagel said, breaking down at the recollection.

“I was asked to go and ID the body because her family was all in New Zealand at the time.

“That was something I never thought I would have to do especially at 20. I was so little ,I was a baby.

“There was a couple of months after she died where I was just drinking every day and barely getting out of bed.

“But then I had a moment where I realised that she died and I didn’t, and she would not want me to live my way this way and if she would have seen me not (living my life) she would have hated it.

“She always had a belief that I would go on and be this superstar.”

Middleton told Holtznagel she was f-----g tougher than she realised.

“Use that as anchor – use it to make her proud,” he said. “Use her legacy to propel you forward and to be in a headspace to get through certain stages. You need to draw strength from that, It’s over to you now.”

The pep talk wasn’t enough to get Holtznagel through the excruciatingly painful pepper spray challenge, with Olympic swimmer Geoff Huegill at her side.

She was the fourth recruit to withdraw from the brutal selection course.

Bachelor Locky Gilbert and Fat Pizza actor Pauly Fenech put their differences aside - brieflly - for one challenge on Season 4 of SAS Australia. Picture: Seven

Meanwhile, tensions continued to simmer between former Bachelor Locky Gilbert and Fat Pizza actor Pauly Fenech.

The pair managed to work together to successfully complete the pepper spray task. But when the remaining recruits were rudely woken from their sleep at midnight and given five minutes to make the parade ground, Fenech straggled behind unable to locate his number.

“I hate stupidity and I hate relying on other people,” Gilbert said pointedly. “You have to be ready to go at a moment’s notice.

Thanks to Fenech’s tardiness, the celebrities were then subjected to a “beasting” ordered to a series of burpees, push-ups, star thrusts. The comedian collapsing and unable to complete the 10 push-ups sequence, leading to a further punishment for the recruits.

Gilbert heard saying as they returned to base camp “he’s got to feel pretty isolated now – I can’t work with him.”

While Fenech said: “I’m the first person when I f...k up to say I’m sorry – I am the sorry guy.

“But in all honesty I don’t care about (the other recruits), I’m not here for them. I’m here for me.”

For support and information about suicide prevention, contact Lifeline on 13 11 14 or Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467.

SAS Australia continues Tuesday, 7.30pm, Seven