The Bachelor review: Richie Strahan meets 22 Bachelorettes for the first time - and it’s amazing

REVIEW: A Bachelorette walks out! A bacon bouquet! And a woman eats her own rose! All of this in last night’s episode of The Bachelor which featured lots of nipple and the majestic white rose of power.

• THE BACHELOR PODCAST
• THE BACHELOR FANS TAKE TO TWITTER DURING PREMIERE
• SINGLE MUM’S SEARCH FOR LOVE COMES UP ROSES

A BACHELORETTE walks out! A bacon bouquet! And a woman eats her own rose! All of this in last night’s episode of The Bachelor.

OM-Andrew-G (or Osher Gunsberg) opens this season’s series describing how Richie is “looking for love”.

Oh my, he’s getting better with age and so is that incredible Ken-doll hair. Note to readers: I love Osher.

Nothing says “I’m unemployed” like a job title Rope Access Technician but Richie Strahan is adamant he keeps busy, tightening ropes and stuff.

Now we get to see Richie dive into a pool and close up of his nipples while he buttons up his white collared shirt. It just proves he’s got a better face than body. Nice try Channel 10.

After a short sob story about how Richie came third runner up in Sam Frost’s series, we meet some of the women.

This is all we need to know about Richie.

We’re introduced to Megan, who is a surfy chick, who likes to camp. She seemed pretty perfect until she admitted she’d like to be a mermaid.

Bacon-loving Noni was next. Noni actually loves bacon so much so she has a tattoo of bacon, she hoped Richie wasn’t a veggo and fried up bacon for the cameras.

Nothing, I mean nothing is more romantic than a bacon bouquet. Noni still doesn’t know why she is single before handing Richie the cured meat bouquet with the pick-up line “Don’t go bacon my heart”. Nice.

The bacon bouquet.

The mermaid.

And just when you thought this year’s candidates couldn’t get any more producers’-choice-for-ratings, in comes Janey, who believes she is Cinderella. She loves sunshine, lollipops and rainbows and I actually start to think she is a five-year-old.

The show fast forwards through some of the more unmemorable contestants.

But we’re treated to Eliza’s cringe-worthy serenade for Richie and Kiera, who says she is the “whole package” but she actually looks like Lara Bingle’s bad angle.

One of these women is Lara Bingle. The other is a woman trying to look like Lara Bingle on a reality dating show.

F—king Vintaea says she wants to f—king “eat Richie’s face” and drops the F-bomb in the first 20 seconds of meeting Richie. F—king classy.

Back in the Tuscan mansion, Kiera takes a jab at most of the ladies. Her RBF (Resting Bitch Face) has some of the contestants confused as to whether she is legit having a go or if her sarcasm is too advanced for them to even comprehend.

The women’s hearts stop when Osher describes the advantages of the white rose. My heart stops too, not because of the rose but Osh-gosh he can rock a fitted suit. The white rose ensures uninterrupted one-on-one time with Richie. It’s a game changer but not really.

Osher with the white rose of power!

Lara Bingle’s bad angle actually pulls Richie aside and tells him to give her the white rose. She then tells the camera “The rose is mine”. Embarrassing.

Tiffany steals the first red rose at the cocktail party after she let Richie win in an awkward plank-off.

Nothing says awkward like a plank-off on the first date.

Naturally, the girls start to get mean about Tiffany’s newest floral accessory - except for Vintaea, who can’t get over how big her f—king boobs are in her gold dress. Also her earrings are so f—king big. Like, f—k. Vintaea is not having a good time and quickly admits that if she has to sit around in a tight gold dress with her hair and make-up done all day then it’ll be “boring as sh-t”.

The women Richie will choose from were introduced to him in an episode that aired last night.

Megan gets the second red rose at the party. It’s predictable. She is a woman version of Richie. Richie loves himself and therefore he loves Megan.

Lara Bingle’s bad angle repeats “bed, bed, bed” and I actually want to mute my TV. Why? Well, surprise, surprise, she didn’t get the white rose. Richie decided to give it to single-mum Alex, who was cut short after telling him she had a son.

Now, back at the rose ceremony and oh-my-Osher says Tiffany, Megan and Alex had three of the roses. He tells the women that only 16 roses were left and three contestants would go home. Osher demonstrates he is also good at maths.

Just as Richie was slowly torturing his rejects, Vintaea had f—king enough. She walks out before he revealed his bottom three.

It’s a storm off! Vintaea takes her ridiculous name and leaves.

Meanwhile, Sasha is hungry and starts to nibble on her rose.

Natalie and Aimee both fail to receive roses last night - both didn’t look bothered at all.

@Brittty_J you mean this one? pic.twitter.com/QWsqeBmKHx

— The Bachelor Aus (@TheBachelorAU) July 27, 2016

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