What no one is saying about Robert Irwin’s breakup

Robert Irwin surprised fans over the weekend by revealing he had split from his girlfriend – but it was the joint statement that had everyone talking.

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Robert Irwin announced over the weekend that he’d split from his girlfriend Rorie Buckey, and their breakup statement says a lot about dating in your 20s these days.

Irwin, 20, took to Instagram to post a joint statement that the couple had crafted together.

In true Gwyneth Paltrow fashion, the official statement worked hard to avoid negative language, meaning the first part reads more like the beginning of a wedding speech than a breakup announcement.

The couple said they “profoundly” appreciated their time together and “wish one another all the very best into the future”.

The statement also said they wanted to express their “gratitude” and “respect” for each other “as we continue our journeys on different paths”.

Gratitude?

It’s comical that two people who aren’t even old enough to drink in America (Rorie is 19) are releasing a breakup statement that is so painfully polite and mature.

The pair released a joint breakup statement. Picture: Instagram

Breakups that need long explanations are usually reserved for very famous people who are calling it quits after an incredibly long time together and need to break it to their devastated children, not a young couple that hadn’t even been together for two years.

This isn’t their fault.

There’s been a real shift in the celebrity world towards sharing very positive breakup narratives with fans.

Famous people don’t break up anymore. They consciously uncouple, stay friends and wax lyrical about how they still love each other.

Actor Justin Theroux famously said that post-divorce, he and Jennifer Aniston still texted and FaceTimed, and that he “cherishes” their friendship.

You can see our confusion.

If you cherished each other so much … why the whole divorce thing?

Robert and Rorie were together for more a year. Picture by Max Mason-Hubers

They had some sweet moments together. Picture Instagram/RobertIrwin

In the real world, when you’re 20 and break up with your boyfriend, you rubbish him to all of your mates and refuse to return his vape.

You dramatically announce the fizzled relationship to your parents; half the time, your dad hasn’t even paid enough attention to know his name.

Your mum, on the other hand will offer lots of opinions like, “Well, I think we both knew he wasn’t for you!”

Although you’ve just called it quits and he wasn’t for you, this statement will enrage you, and you’ll tell your mum she has no idea what she’s talking about before you slam your bedroom door in her face.

They did red carpets together. Picture: Lisa Maree Williams/Getty Images

Why?

Because you’re 20 and you still live at home with your parents, and sure, you’re old enough to be heartbroken, but you’ve never actually paid an electricity bill before, and you have no idea how much it costs to fix a door that has been slammed too many times.

You don’t have to release a statement or reflect on the relationship with grace. You certainly don’t have act like you’re still best mates.

You get to break up and complain about him non-stop on social media in ways that you think are vague and kind of clever but are actually painfully obvious to all your followers.

You go and drink a bottle of goon with your friends, talk endlessly about how you can’t believe you ever dated him, and then you get over it and move on to the next person that might be the new love of your life.

Usually, it’s someone who either has their drivers licence, lives in a share house or has big opinions about wine. All markers of a cool and mature person when you’re young and naive.

Irwin and Buckey’s statement is two kids trying to pretend they have the emotional capacity of 45-year-old divorcees.

It’s baffling and confusing and speaks to the fact that celebrities now have to try so hard to make their personal lives seem perfect.

Even when the whole point of your 20s is that life isn’t perfect at all.

Originally published as What no one is saying about Robert Irwin’s breakup