Opinion: Calling old people ‘cute’ is infantilising them

Describing older people as “cute” is not only offensive but it can lead to dangerous consequences for seniors who deserve respect and personal dignity, writes Kylie Lang.

The elderly shouldn’t be stereotyped as childlike or helpless.

My son’s girlfriend came over for lunch the other day and met my parents for the first time.

When I asked him later what she thought of them, he said “cute”.

Cute? I’ve never considered my mum or dad cute.

Strong-willed, erudite, witty, high-achieving and a range of other descriptors spring to mind, but never cute.

Now I know it was meant as a term of endearment, but it got me thinking because it’s not the first time I’ve heard it, and it speaks to a broader social issue: the infantilisation of older people.

This occurs when we treat seniors as if they were small children.

As unconsciously or well-meaning as it may be, we patronise them, not only by calling them cute but more seriously by thinking they are incapable of doing things.

At my son’s 21st last year, when Dad got up to dance and took his bride’s hand, a number of guests smiled and remarked how cute they were.

It struck me as odd, because my parents have been tearing up the dance floor since the 1960s at the original Cloudland in Bowen Hills.

At every party I can think of since I was a kid – even Sunday lunch at home if an old rock ’n’ roll song is playing – they’ll be up on their feet. They might be a little less agile than they once were, but cute? Nah.

Australian linguist and author Karen Stollznow, an adjunct member of the Griffith Centre for Social and Cultural Research, says infantilisation is widespread.

As well as referring to seniors as cute or adorable, Dr Stollznow says it can involve conflating age with disability.

We assume they are deaf and speak loudly to them, that they are cognitively impaired and need to be constantly reminded of things, or we talk about them as if they weren’t there.

We use “elderspeak”, which can be anything from calling someone a little old man or a sweet old lady to invoking the royal we: “How are we doing today?”

Using diminutives such as “honey” or “dear” can also be considered disrespectful.

Dr Stollznow, whose research focuses on discrimination and prejudice in language, says infantilisation is rife in hospitals, aged-care facilities and other services for seniors.

“Treating adults as children implies they have made a backward movement to earlier developmental stages, with no recognition of the lifetime of experience that separates them from children,” she posted last month on the Psychology Today website.

Dr Stollznow says linking old age to childhood can lead to depression and a loss of identity, and some people may internalise the connection so much that they start behaving in a childlike manner.

Infantilisation might appear to be caring or nurturing behaviour, however, it can have dangerous consequences, as other research confirms.

Stephen Marson and Rasby Marlene Powell from the University of North Carolina at Pembroke found it could produce symptoms of dementia in older people in institutionalised care, while Sonia Miner Salari from the University of Utah concluded it had negative influences on wellbeing and relationship formation.

Our own Royal Commission into Aged Care Quality and Safety, its findings released in 2021, demonstrated how discriminatory attitudes towards ageing contributed to trivialising, excusing or justifying elder abuse.

Some cultures celebrate ageing and view their senior citizens as sources of great wisdom and influence. They are revered, not reviled.

Sadly, ours is not one of those cultures, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try to change it.

Let’s not forget that older people are still people, and deserve to be treated with respect and afforded personal dignity.

Many I know say the ageing process has made them more patient and forgiving, and less caught up in drama. The things that stressed them as younger people just don’t rate. There’s a quiet acceptance of life, the good, the bad and the in-between.

That sounds like an enviable position to be in – and there’s nothing cute about that.

LOVE

● The idea of renaming the Cross River Rail the Elizabeth Line to mark Queen Elizabeth’s record-breaking 70-year reign. The Opposition has a petition going, but predictably the Labor government shot it down. Put party politics aside.

● Extension of pandemic leave payments for people isolating due to Covid-19 beyond September 30. Also good that Services Australia will crack down on fraudulent payment claims.

LOATHE

● The heckling of Prince Andrew by a young bloke who called him a “sick old man” while the royal walked behind his mother’s casket in Edinburgh. The timing was completely disrespectful.

● Bikie gang violence and related drug crime spiralling further and further out of control. When, if ever, will Premier Annastacia Palaszczuk admit her decision to scrap the VLAD laws was wrong?

Kylie Lang is associate editor of The Courier-Mail