The outrageous school email we got 3 hours after the Bondi attack

"I couldn't believe what I was reading and it made me furious on behalf of the kids who were there."

We knew what was happening at Bondi Junction on 13th April before the media - even though we were 5kms away.

At 3pm, just moments before the attack began, we were on our way to our 'local shops' to get school shoes for my 16-year-old, as has been our habit for years.

But at the last second, we decided to drive into the city, where we'd later be having dinner. 

I get goosebumps thinking of how fateful that decision of ours was... because even though we weren't there, we still watched the horror unfold live.

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Bondi Junction: Image: Jeremy Piper/Supplied

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"Mum, there's a stabbing at Junction," my son, Winston, said as we entered the shoe store. He'd seen something on TikTok.

I immediately checked my work email (I'm a journo) and news.com.au and there was nothing - yet. I thought Winston's mates might be pranking people, so I asked to see what he was talking about.

I'll never forget how we stood on the footpath in the glorious Sydney sun, transfixed to his phone, for I don't even know how long. Winston's phone was madly sending TikTok and WhatsApp notifications, and we watched in horror as his school mates, and other friends, showed us the unprecedented horror.

We live in proximity to Junction, and Winston attends school nearby. The centre is the scene of countless Friday arvos hanging with his mates near Maccas, and hours of window shopping in the Apple Store. On that Saturday, so many kids from his school were there.

Clip after clip showed them running up the stairs to the roof, where they were told to hide. They sprained ankles and wrists, scraped knees and wept, as they tried to find safety. They were teenagers on their own, without a loving parent present to put a mask on their face and arms around them.

It was utter chaos, and I didn't think for a second that we should look away; they wanted - needed - to be seen and heard in the nightmare.

"I was suprised by the school's email"

As the mum of an almost 17-year-old, I've made peace with social media. Not only do I trust my son because of the online principles I've taught him, I also accept this is how generations younger than mine communicate, share, inform and get informed about almost everything.

Essentially, by posting live to TikTok and SnapChat, that's what they were doing. Except this time, it was about one of the most significant events in Australian history, that was happening to them, right at that very moment.

That's why I was so surprised when, three hours later, we got this email from the school's principal:

"With the immediacy of social media, I am already aware of distressing images that are circulating. Please monitor your child's phone to ensure that they are safe and protected from these posts but also that the families and individuals impacted have their dignity and privacy respected."

My first thought was that I hadn't seen anything inappropriate posted other than what was happening, ie, the truth, and my second thought was why should they not post, why should they be censored, when they're living through an incredibly traumatic experience and need to share it? 

If you're worried about how recent events are affecting your child, listen and subscribe to Kidspot's podcast Mum Club. Paediatric Psychologist, Amanda Abel, shares how to speak to children about worrying events and signs to look out for that tell they might be struggling.

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"The Bondi Junction attack is a lesson for us all"

I definitely think there's a lesson in this. Obviously, everyone needs to be taught about the impact of sharing on people who aren't their intended audience, like young kids.

This is the chance we've been given to talk about that for the next time. And also call on TikTok to not be a cesspool of misinformation and violence by holding everyone to much higher standards where needed.

I know a lot of people won't agree with me. I have spoken to many parents this week and most of them think taking to social media with live footage isn't helpful to anyone. I argue that it's helpful to those posting in the moment - for the kids who scrambled and panicked and were terrified of an out-of-control emergency.

Obviously, that was my reaction on that day, where, as a mum, viewing my son's friends who were there, I was a horrified and helpless bystander.

"There is a human need to feel safe and share valuable information"

So, I spoke to Carly Dober, psychologist and Director at the Australian Association of Psychologists Incorporated, and asked her for advice.

"It is appropriate for everyone, teens included, to censor their posts sometimes. I think after this event, parents could take this opportunity to have discussions with their children about what responsible digital citizenship looks like.

"There is a human desire to find out answers to things that seem shocking and confusing. There is also a real human need to want to feel safe, and also to share information that is deemed to be valuable to our social groups. This includes when a crime has been committed and people have lost their lives."

This validates the human needs of the kids in danger that day. But how can we do better next time?

"I encourage parents to sit their children down and ask them what their intention is when sharing videos. Maybe your child wants to pass on information they think is going to be helpful. This could be a teachable opportunity to share with them what kind of impacts this may have on people who are watching someone be attacked, watching people die, or watching people struggle in the last moments of their lives.

In terms of viewing other people's content, Ms Dober says:

"Encourage them to understand they can pause when seeing graphic images and videos like this and they can put their phones down to consider how and why they want to participate in this digital experience. 

"I’d also teach them about how viewing images and content like this can trigger a stress response that’s not helpful for their bodies or brains in chronic doses, and if they’re regularly viewing content like this- it might just be prolonging this stress response.

"I talk to children about ways they might want to support victims and their surviving friends and family, because often children feel hopeless and helpless and this in part might be why they are sharing content."

This is excellent advice... for next time. I still stand by the kids who posted live from the scene, because they were dealing with a mammoth life event (that even adults shared), the best way they knew how.

Originally published as The outrageous school email we got 3 hours after the Bondi attack