If dating apps are dead, then what are our alternatives?

Unfortunately, you may need to look someone in the eye

Young people are deleting their dating app subscriptions. Image: Pexels

With dating apps taking a toll on an entire generation's psyche, young people are looking for an alternative. But how can you actually meet people beyond the phone screen?

When dating apps arrived on the scenes years ago, I remember being so excited at the prospect of them. I can find love without needing to leave the house? To do my makeup? To actually make eye contact with anyone?! It was a utopia, unlocking the dating world in new capabilities that we’d never seen before.

But steadily, the dating app transformed from a utopia to a bleak necessity, bringing with it the advent of ghosting, unsolicited dick pics, and a steadily disintegrating sense of confidence, heightened by seeing who has liked you on Hinge. 

Between vows of celibacy, how-to guides on becoming ‘boy sober’, dating ‘burnout’, and a growing amount of women realising that they’d rather stay eternally single than subject themselves to being the mother of a 32-year-old man, dating apps might have just shot themselves in the foot and in the process, made the whole concept of dating more unappetising than ever. 

It seems that now, more than ever, the dating app is officially dead. 

And the stats aren't lying, either. Previously the head honcho of the dating app world, Tinder, has seen a constant decline in active users and paid subscribers since 2021, with other apps like Bumble also showing a similar downward trend. Additionally, 79 per cent of American college students and Gen Zers say they’re ditching the only dating apps in favour of in-person interactions, according to a 2023 Axios and Generation Lab survey. 

But with people hitting ‘delete’ on their accounts and proclaiming that the dating app is officially dead, it’s got us wondering: what other alternatives are there to meeting people?

Dating apps are dead, so where do we go now? 

So we know Gen Z and Millennial daters are officially unsubscribing from dating apps. But where are we actually meant to go now?

According to a recent report by Eventbrite, almost half of us are flocking to in-person interactions thanks to their ability to foster deeper connections, safety reasons, and the overwhelming belief that IRL connections are more ‘genuine’ than online ones. 

In particular, we’re seeing a big shift into reverting back to ‘old school’ styles of dating, with speed dating events now steadily popping up in capital cities across Australia and the rest of the world. According to Eventbrite data, dating and singles events marketed towards young people has increased by 49 per cent in the last year. 

But while the idea of speed dating might initially sound a bit naff and hell incarnate, young people have taken the traditional dating technique and added a twist onto it. In particular, board game speed dating events have risen in popularity by 400 per cent between 2022 and 2023. There are also boundless other 'themed' speed dating events out there in Australia, including cocktail making, wine tasting, and even dating while you get muddy in a pottery class. 

Sheridan Hackney runs Conscious Connection, a friend-making group that runs events across Australia’s east coast. Recently, she made the move into also running events for singles, driven by people’s desire and craving for in-person connections.

“We’ve had nearly 1,000 people apply in just a few months,” Hackey tells Body+Soul of the growth of their singles events. “People are craving in-person connection and are tired of the surface-level small talk that happens on the apps and at speed-dating events.”

The approach for Hackney’s dating events is simple: deep conversations, little-to-no alcohol involved, and grouping singles events based on interests. “We focus on deep, quality conversations in small groups to help take the pressure off it feeling like an interview,” she explains. “We also try to invite people who have the same dating goals and lifestyle so there’s a better chance of finding a suitable match. There is also a "no work talk" rule and conversation questions designed to highlight your values and morals, which we think are key to making a quality connection.”

“So far, we've had a number of success stories that have turned into long-term relationships and we're hoping there might be an engagement or two sometime soon!”

Yes, you’re going to need to leave the house

Speed dating not quite for you? You’ll be pleased to know that a growing number of Gen Z and Millennial daters are also veering towards third places to meet their special someone, particularly places that infuse their interest or hobbies in them. 

Third places are those joints that people can meet up that are neither home nor work. Think: bars, bookstores, parks, churches, clubs and libraries. As I write this piece, I’m sitting in a library, squashed next to an elderly man who’s been coughing and spluttering over myself for the last hour. While it might not sound like the dream scenario to find a hot date, third places like these are still seen as a hot commodity and ideal place for meeting a potential date. After all, a dreamy babe could just walk in here any moment, pick up an Emily Henry book, and whisk me away. 

While third places are now seen as one of the key places to meet a potential boo, there’s also been a distinct shift away from traditional hangouts that value alcohol-based interactions like bars, pubs and parties. 

Instead, younger people are flocking towards locations that are interest-based, such as libraries and bookstores, art classes and thrift shopping, with a third of survey respondents believing that they’d meet someone at special interest-based activities like painting or dance classes. 

BRB, signing up for pottery classes to recreate that scene from Ghost. 

But how can I meet someone if I can’t even look them in the eye?

Ah, the age-old question. 

So we know that if we want to meet someone in real life, to do so, we need to start branching out into different spaces that are conducive to meeting a potential match. 

But it’s one thing to say you’re going to do it, and it’s a complete other thing to actually put our money where our mouth is and actually approach someone.

Do we look lost in the street? Do we complain that we can’t reach the top shelf in the grocery store, knowing full well that we’re 5’9”? Do we hang out at the library for hours, waiting for a hottie to walk in before inevitably avoiding eye contact, keeping our head to the ground, and quickly rushing out before they have a chance to even notice us?

While it might be easier to bring in a color-coded system (if I wear green, I’m available!), the more realistic way of addressing our dating anxieties and finally being able to put yourself out there might be in the form of exposure therapy – or just forcing ourselves to do uncomfortable things enough times that it no longer freaks us out and getting really, really comfortable with rejection. 

So get to your local bookstores, start joining pottery classes, and drag a mate along to the next speed dating event in your local area. Who knows? You might find the love of your life (and if so, I would love an invite to the wedding). 

Originally published as If dating apps are dead, then what are our alternatives?