Your night in: Every movie on TV tonight rated or slated
Whether you’re in the mood for a comically buff Brad Pitt or a move starring Tom Hanks before he was Tom Hanks, there’s plenty to watch on TV tonight. Here’s what to tune into.
Leigh Paatsch
Don't miss out on the headlines from Leigh Paatsch. Followed categories will be added to My News.
WHAT A GIRL WANTS (G)
**, 6.30pm, 7FLIX
Former Nickelodeon girl-wonder Amanda Bynes (The Amanda Show) rips a few pages out of The Princess Diaries and scrawls her own name in the margins, playing a hyperactive American teen let loose in England to put a quiver in a few stiff upper lips. It’s all polite, safe fun (hence the G rating), but way too squeaky clean for anyone whose age has already hit double digits.
THEIR FINEST (M)
***½, 7.30pm, World Movies
A sincerely endearing tale of quiet achievement and self-discovery, set in World War II London. Gemma Arterton plays an inexperienced copywriter who lands a plum job penning dialogue for British propaganda movies. Combining just the right dashes of drama, comedy and romance, this calculated crowd-pleaser goes about its business amiably, but never aimlessly. A delightfully motivated support cast (led by Bill Nighy as a faded film star looking for another shot at the big time) keep the good times on a roll.
SHREK 2 (PG)
***, 7.30pm GO!
The original Shrek was such a winning surprise that you can forgive the sequel for taking its time in going for gold the second time around. Once it does hit its stride – courtesy of a great new character in Puss in Boots (brilliantly voiced by Antonio Banderas) – the in-jokes and out-there developments surrounding how Princess Fiona (Cameron Diaz) introduces Shrek (Mike Myers) to his new in-laws absolutely deliver the goods. An enjoyable all-ages movie.
TROY (M)
***, 8.30pm, Channel 7
Despite a bizarre performance from a comically way-too-buff Brad Pitt — think a stripper booted off the Magic Mike tour bus as it time-travelled through Ancient Greece — this hysterically historical take on the 1200BC siege of Troy gets by purely on the thrilling spectacle of its many tremendous battle scenes. The rest isn’t really fit to wipe Gladiator’s sandals. Nice work from Eric Bana, though.
CROUCHING TIGER, HIDDEN DRAGON (2000)
*****, 8.30pm SBS
This Oscar-winning art house blockbuster is the most visually seductive, yet physically punishing action movie of all-time. (Shout-out to the John Wick series, which can often conjure moments that favourably compare.) With jaw-dropping fight scenes choreographed by The Matrix’s Woo-Ping Yuen, all of the principal characters (led by the great Chow Yun-Fat and Michelle Yeoh) are called upon to mix it in combat sequences laden to the hilt with daring, danger and a deranged sense of detail. These scenes define their own reality — the performers glide across walls, treetops and ponds while lashing out in full flight — but crucially, never inspire disbelief.
PICTURE PERFECT (M)
**, 8.45pm, 7FLIX
A rather dated rom-com dipped from head to toe in sugary cuteness. Jennifer Aniston plays Kate, an up-and-coming advertising exec whose career is stalling because she doesn’t have a fella. So she offers Nick (Jay Mohr) a pile of money to pose as her fiance to keep the boss off her back until she wins a promotion. But Nick doesn’t want Kate’s money. He just wants to kiss her. Feel free to sigh together now, everybody — “awwwwww”.
THE NEGOTIATOR
**, 8.45pm, GEM
A big, dumb, lumbering cop thriller that works through a very familiar, very basic formula, very, very slowly indeed. Samuel L. Jackson stars as Danny Roman, a police hostage specialist forced to take his own captives when framed for a crime he did not commit. Kevin Spacey (remember him?) is the smart-alec dude wheeled in by the authorities on bringing a nice clean end to the messy siege.
ROBIN HOOD (M)
***, 8.30pm, Channel 9
If you’re after the regular lowdown on the famous Mr R. Hood of Sherwood Forest — you know, robbing from the rich, giving to the poor, and so on — you’ve come to the wrong film. This epic reboot of the enduring medieval legend from director Ridley Scott winds the clock back to the years before the title character earned his reputation as “the prince of thieves.” As played convincingly by Australian star Russell Crowe, this Robin Hood evolves from lowly soldier of fortune to high-minded social justice crusader across the complex tale outlined here. Cate Blanchett co-stars as Lady Marian Loxley, the foxiest widow in Nottingham. A solid, if slightly dour affair.
BACHELOR PARTY (M)
**½, 9.35pm, 7mate
Everyone has to start somewhere. Even if you’re Tom Hanks. Please enjoy this ‘official’ synopsis for this 1984 comedy sourced from the back of a bodgy Bali-bought DVD: “Rick Gassko is about to marry Debbie Thompson. Her parents hate him. Her old boyfriend hates him. They all have money and he gets a cut of the crap games on the Catholic school bus that he drives. His friends decide to give him the bachelor party of all bachelor parties in an expensive hotel with booze, adult movies and hookers. As the players catch wind of the elements of the party, each adds a little monkey wrench so that one set of hookers ends up giving demos at the bride’s shower, the brides friends end up dressed as hookers in a room with a number of non English speaking Japanese businessmen, and so on, as things get out of hand.”
THE GRAND BUDAPEST HOTEL (M)
****½, 9.40pm World Movies
Just like the establishment from which it takes its name, here is a sprawling, lavish and highly enjoyable escape from reality. The year is 1932, and the setting is a fictional five-star crash-pad in an equally fictional corner of eastern Europe. It is here we find the mysterious M. Gustave (a hilarious Ralph Fiennes) at the peak of his powers as the Grand Budapest’s celebrated chief concierge. What follows is a majestically madcap, yet always accessible adventure caper, with Gustave and his loyal offsider – an ever-resourceful bellboy named Zero (Tony Revolori) – fighting tooth and nail to keep some formidable enemies at bay. The film is the work of American writer-director Wes Anderson, famous for his elaborate, micromanaged production designs. If you have journeyed into one of Anderson’s amazing alternate universes before – say, in films such as Fantastic Mr Fox and Moonrise Kingdom – then you’ll know a seriously sumptuous treat awaits here. Co-stars Bill Murray, Tilda Swinton, Willem Dafoe.
THE NUTTY PROFESSOR 2: THE KLUMPS (PG)
*½, 9.30pm GO!
There are two sequences nested within the opening seven minutes of Eddie Murphy’s The Nutty Professor 2 which should help you ascertain whether it is indeed for you. In deference to those planning on dining some time today, I will spare you the finer details of these scenes. Let’s just say that if human heads bursting out of crotches, 90-year-old ladies giving forensic accounts of their latest bedroom conquests, and the sound of enough personal gas to heat your house all winter doesn’t register a reading on your laugh-o-meter, this is indeed not for you.
MORE NEWS
CHRIS JUDD’S EARLY RELATIONSHIP ULTIMATUM
THE ONE THING AFL STARS’ HAIRDRESSER IS DREADING
SEE IT AND WEEP: TEAR-JERKERS YOU MUST WATCH
Originally published as Your night in: Every movie on TV tonight rated or slated
Timely take on Munich Olympics terrorist crisis
The edge-of-your-seat factual drama September 5 takes viewers behind the scenes in one of the Olympic Games’ darkest hours with a message that still resonates today.
Companion’s a terrifically twisting thriller best seen spoiler-free
Companion is the kind of original and inventive thriller that comes around all too rarely – but the top-level twists hit hardest by going in spoiler-free, writes Leigh Paatsch.