Every Movie Tonight on Melbourne TV – Rated or Slated

We’ve reviewed every movie on TV tonight so you can shut yourself in from the cold and pick from an action blockbuster, some great (and not so great) comedies and a gripping music doco.

Olga Kurylenko as Ophelia in Johnny English Strikes Again.

CENTRAL INTELLIGENCE (M)

***1/2

9.00pm, Ch. 9

A rare modern buddy action comedy that actually works. The party starts early, and never lets up once two former high school classmates are reunited in the days leading up to their alma mater’s 20-year reunion. One is a former star athlete now going through life’s motions as an accountant (Kevin Hart). The other was once a tubby train wreck, but is now a deceptively dangerous undercover agent (Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson). While not the most promising set-up you could have for a typical comedy of opposites, the base storyline for Central Intelligence is nowhere near as important as the crackling chemistry shared by its two lead actors. Johnson and Hart immediately click as a comic duo, so much so that the warped repartee of their characters becomes the most addictive and effective component of the film. File under surprisingly, consistently funny.

Central Intelligence is a rare modern buddy comedy that isn’t a waste of time. Picture: AP

WAYNE’S WORLD 2 (M)

***

7.30pm GO!

A slight notch down from the original, but it’s not that steep a drop. Schhhhhhwwwwinnng!

TED 2 (MA15+)

**

9.30pm GO!

A significant notch down from the original, and it is definitely that steep a drop. New recruit Amanda Seyfried (playing a lawyer defending Ted in a court action to save his rights as a husband and father-to-be) is the best thing about the movie whenever the jokes miss their target. Co-star Mark Wahlberg couldn’t look more disinterested. Only those who found the first movie (which did have its moments) incredibly amusing will be content with the diminished returns on offer here.

Ted 2 is a sharp drop off in quality from the original.

I AM STEVE MCQUEEN (M)

***1/2

9.20pm VICELAND

A quality documentary on the life and times of screen icon Steve McQueen. While the movie does not break down the fabled mystique of McQueen as much as reinforce it, there is still a fair bit of fascinating material to work through. Definitely worth a look, especially if you have an interest in the subject’s adventurous off-screen exploits.

Steve McQueen is an iconic Hollywood star.

WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS (M)

***1/2

7.55pm WORLD MOVIES

Made on a low budget in New Zealand, this very funny film chronicles the everyday – or rather, everynight – lives of four bloodsuckers sharing a rundown flat in suburban Wellington. Our time spent with this crew amounts to no more than a collection of semi-improvised comic sketches, with an occasional formal interview thrown in (a la This is Spinal Tap) to keep the jokes coming at rapid speed. However, despite the simple structure – and a crack at every obvious vampire gag in the book – the film remains highly amusing from beginning to end. Stars Jemaine Clement (Flight of the Conchords). Written and directed by Taika Waititi (Jojo Rabbit, Hunt for the Wilderpeople).

Taika Waititi’s What We Do in the Shadows is highly amusing.

FIVE MOVIE PICKS FOR STREAMING OR RENTAL

MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE – FALLOUT

****

FOXTEL, AMAZON

Your cinematic mission, should you choose to accept it, should not be a matter of choice at all. For this is not only the best film to carry the M:I badge in the 22-year-old history of the Tom Cruise-led franchise. It is also the most ferociously realised action picture to storm the big screen since Mad Max: Fury Road. This hyperkinetic espionage adventure doesn’t just live up to the hype. It blasts right past it. Every shred of that high praise has been earned the right way and the hard way: with big ideas, brashly executed with little margin for error. 56- year-old Cruise impressively flings himself into the fray once again as daredevil IMF agent Ethan Hunt, pole- vaulting all over the atlas to stop some bad dudes from getting their grubby paws on some dirty nukes. The stunning design of the action set pieces – and the thrilling stunt work powering them – are gifts that keep on giving throughout. Co-stars Henry Cavill, Rebecca Ferguson, Simon Pegg.

Mission: Impossible – Fallout is one of the best action films of recent years.

SWALLOWS AND AMAZONS (PG)

***

NETFLIX

A charming, old-fashioned British family film, based on author Arthur Ransome’s much-loved novel for children. The year is 1935, and the five Walker children are on summer holidays with their mum (Kelly Macdonald) in the ultra-idyllic Lake District when they stumble upon a cute little boat named The Swallow. After impulsively setting sail for a nearby island for a camp-out, the impish Walkers cross paths with two feisty sisters who call themselves ‘the Amazons’. After becoming fast friends, the posse become embroiled in a genteel mystery involving spies, journalists and standover men of ill repute. The Enid Blyton-esque, picture-book-pretty vibe of the production is irresistible throughout.

Swallows and Amazons has an Enid Blyton-esque quality.

WHITNEY: CAN I BE ME?

***

NETFLIX, AMAZON

This poignant, powerful unauthorised doco on the downfall of Whitney Houston is anything but a puff piece. Worth the look purely for addressing certain controversial aspects of the singer’s sad life story. It’s all here: the meteoric rise, the slow drug-ravaged descent, the doomed marriage to singer Bobby Brown, and the ongoing frustration of being trapped inside a manufactured image nothing like her real self.

Whitney: Can I Be Me? Is a powerful documentary on Houston’s downfall. Picture: Getty

HARD EIGHT (M)

***1/2

STAN

Writer-director Paul Thomas Anderson is best known for modern-day classics such as Magnolia and Boogie Nights. Hard Eight (originally produced under the title of Sydney) is where it all started for Anderson, and while this crime drama is too down-in-the-mouth for most tastes, it remains a fascinating document of the early days of an incredible talent. Just how many first-time filmmakers could pull the likes of Gwyneth Paltrow, John C. Reilly and Philip Seymour Hoffman?

Gwyneth Paltrow in the 1996 film Hard Eight.

JOHNNY ENGLISH STRIKES AGAIN (PG)

**1/2

NETFLIX

A third Johnny English flick for British funnyman Rowan Atkinson, and in a miraculous development just south of curing the common cold, they’ve gone and made a halfway-decent one. The story is a complete bust – bumble-magnet Johnny is the only spy in England still active after a hacker blows everyone else’s cover – but some of the physical slapstick set pieces are composed with genuine skill and creativity. Co-stars Emma Thompson, Olga Kurylenko.

@leighpaatsch

Originally published as Every Movie Tonight on Melbourne TV – Rated or Slated