I’m tired of hostels. Here’s how I avoid loneliness while travelling solo

It’s a rite of passage for many wanderlust-filled Aussies – the gap year. School is over, your university degree has been delayed, and you set off with a backpack and very few plans, traipsing across Europe, experiencing the world.

At first, the idea of going it alone seems daunting, but the anxiety quickly dissipates when you check into the first hostel, with that ubiquitous chalkboard sign outlining all the pub crawls, parties and $5 spaghetti dinner nights. Within days you’ve made friends, you move on to the next hostel, and so continues the cycle until you’re finally ready to go home (or have run out of money).

Travelling solo is rewarding but can also be lonely. Credit: iStock

There were downsides to the gap year. Sleeping in 12-bed dormitories that smelled like feet. Communal bathrooms with blocked drains. Never-ending noise, whether it was thumping bass from a bar under your room or a cacophony of snoring. But we had the youthful adrenaline and, frankly, the low level of personal needs (and hygiene) to move past it.

I was comfortable with the hostel lifestyle until my mid-30s. I vividly remember the moment I knew my needs had shifted. I’d booked a very affordable bunk in one of the aforementioned 12-bed dormitories on a road trip through Cairns. The hostel came highly rated, and the rooms looked clean and modern. However, no level of modernity or cleanliness can overcome the body heat and stench of 11 weary travellers, 80 per cent of whom were men in their 20s sleeping in jeans from the night before. I opened the door, had one look (and whiff) and bolted back to reception to enquire about single rooms.

At 37, I still love solo travelling. But these days, I like my little skincare routine every evening. I like to do this in my own private bathroom. The latest I could go to bed while functioning the following day is 10pm, and I need peace and quiet to do so because earplugs hurt my little, ageing ears. I even carry my own pillowcase around the globe with me. In short, the hostel lifestyle is not for me anymore.

The benefit of being 37 is that I can now afford private, soundproofed hotel rooms with functional air-conditioning. However, I quickly realised that while I no longer financially needed hostels, I sorely missed the social aspect.

So, I set out to discover new ways to make friends while travelling alone. Here are my three tips for making friends while travelling, without having to share a dorm.

Group tours are essential

I consider group tours the adult version of school camp – you’re thrown together with other travellers and enter a social bubble where personality differences fall by the wayside.

Recently I was fortunate enough to join a tour of Egypt with G Adventures, a company specialising in small-group holidays that prioritise cultural immersion by supporting local businesses and operating with local guides. There were 14 of us on the tour, and while we all came from different countries and backgrounds, we soon became a harmonious little family.

Yes, we rubbed each other the wrong way at times. But, mostly, having fellow travellers around enhanced my experience. Much of this came down to the type of tour – I loved the intimacy of a smaller group, and the focus on cultural experiences meant we were all like-minded, curious travellers.

Day-trip group tours are another alternative that works well for those who prefer alone time, but just want a reprieve every now and then. A friend of mine recently spent three months alone in Greece and swore by Airbnb Experiences, where locals offer tours in their hometowns. I went on a foodie tour of Las Vegas in June and had lovely chats over delicious meals with a couple from Houston. For a few hours, you can make pasta, go whale watching or do a walking historical tour with other travellers, then either kick on with friends you’ve made or return to your quiet hotel room if you’ve had enough.

Seek out hotels with a hostel feel

Catering to older solo travellers, you’ll find plenty of hotels with budget rooms offset by communal spaces. As I write this story, I am sitting in a sprawling lounge area on the ground floor of SmartHotel Oslo. My room is tiny – eight metres squared, with barely enough space for anything beyond a bed and basic bathroom. But guests stay here to sleep. If you want to hang out, you head downstairs – aside from creating a warm and comfortable space to relax in, the social atmosphere makes it far easier to initiate conversation with other travellers.

Do your research on the vibe of a hostel before booking.Credit: G Adventures/Hostelworld

It’s also worth noting that hostels don’t need to be avoided just because you aren’t interested in shared dormitories or pub crawls. Many have private rooms at affordable prices, and reviews on sites like Hostelworld will help you determine which properties attract a more mature traveller versus those with a more party atmosphere. Hostel events are also not always focused on nightlife. Even when they are, I recently joined a friend at her Contiki tour bar crawl in Amsterdam and was pleasantly surprised by how varied the group was. Some attendees sought low-key drinks and chats, others wanted to go dancing.

Be open-minded

While staying on the small island of Hydra in Greece, I wanted to watch the Matildas play their decider game against England in the World Cup. I found a local cafe to stream it for me, sat down, and assumed I’d be watching alone. Within minutes, an English couple ran in. “We heard the game from the street!” they said excitedly, joining me on the couch.

By half-time, we had more company – an Aussie in his 50s travelling alone and, like me, wanting to support the Tillies. Then, several English and Australian women in their 20s. Our crew was motley, to say the least, but we had a fantastic time. Age differences disappeared as we cheered on our respective teams. After the game, we all ventured to nearby Spilia Bar, jumping off the rocks and drinking cocktails until sunset.

This is the one aspect of the hostel lifestyle I want to maintain – the ability to enjoy time with practically anyone when travelling. I may not want to live in a room with 21-year-olds, but I do want to keep an open mind about befriending them. Meeting people you would never cross paths with in everyday life is one of the most beautiful parts of solo travel and one that doesn’t need to be lost simply because you opt out of hostel accommodation.

As with many of the special moments when we travel, if you remain open and curious, flexible and fascinated, you’ll quickly find plenty of like-minded adventurers also seeking connection along the way.

The writer travelled as a guest of G Adventures.