Sorry, cruise ship haters, I just want my holiday hassle-free and lazy

Detractors say cruising is for those who don’t want to be challenged, and they’re right. I don’t want my holiday to be taken up by logistics, least of all in Pacific islands, where airports are hot and bothersome, flights depart at awkward hours, and road surfaces can jolt the teeth right out of your mouth.

And yes, I want to be lazy. I want to step straight into lovely places without bothering about how to get there. Someone else can organise my plunges into lagoons. And if all I have to do for a cold beer is signal at a friendly passing waiter from a lounge chair, then why not?

Moorea, Tahiti. The islands of the Pacific are easily among the most beautiful places on the planet.

Pacific islands are glorious, but interisland transportation is difficult and, once there, visitors are often isolated in resorts and seldom see much else. A cruise is different. It has me on the move, with a new destination to explore almost every day, and I’m magicked there while sleeping. Everything is made easy.

Does that mean never being challenged? No. The lack of logistical hassle means I have all day long to do what I want in port, and if that includes hanging off a 235-metre zip line, swimming with reef sharks, or hiking up a volcanic peak, what’s stopping me?

So I’m delighted to board Oceania Cruises’ sleek ship Regatta in Sydney. Over the next few days, I sail pleasantly across to New Zealand to explore Napier, Tauranga, Auckland and the Bay of Islands.

Then Regatta turns northwards towards Fiji, and all I have to do to get there is tuck into macadamia-encrusted chicken breast and white chocolate mousse in the Grand Dining Room, then fall asleep in my stateroom.

Like a hibernating bear, I wake up to another season. Humidity cuddles me as Fiji arrives in a froth of jungle-covered hills. Regatta slides between islands and a fringing reef to arrive in Lautoka, which sits in skirts of sugarcane plantations on the west coast of Viti Levu, gazing over the bluest of bays.

All smiles in Fiji.

There isn’t much in town, but plenty in the surroundings: thermal mud pools, Tau Caves, a zip-lining course in jungly hills. Waterfalls hiss and muddy rivers slurp. Viseisei Village, reputedly Fiji’s oldest settlement, is the place to meet the locals and discover the kava ceremony. Who says there’s nothing to do on a cruise?

Here’s another thing I like about South Pacific cruising: it frees you from bucket-list sightseeing. There are holidays when I’m keen to experience another cathedral or temple. Then again, there are times when I don’t need to be challenged by must-dos and queues, and the South Pacific doesn’t have any.

Does that mean it’s an inferior destination? Of course not. Every traveller should see these Pacific islands. They’re easily among the most beautiful places on the planet. Their joy lies in the slow pace of life, the friendliness, the grinning kids, the green jaggedness and blue horizons.

The Regatta’s pool deck.

Next day in Suva, many passengers are off on excursions to the highlands, but I haven’t been in Suva before and want to check out its vibe. Fiji’s capital is a bustling and multicultural town. It has a Hindu temple, mosque, trim churches, British colonial-era buildings and markets bright with tropical fruit.

The following day is a sea day, of which there are several on any Pacific cruise. They can be as tranquil or as busy as I want. Passengers play bridge or table tennis, test themselves at trivia or blackjack, guess that tune in Martinis Bar, or get entangled in Polynesian craft making.

At other times, all I need to do is flop on the pool deck, attend afternoon tea in Horizons Lounge, listen to the early evening Sunrise String Quartet, and take in a show or enrichment lecture in the theatre.

Oceania Cruises sits in a premium niche, and Regatta doesn’t have all the luxuries and attention to detail of the most upmarket ships. It does, however, have an elegant upmarket feel, intimacy and excellent dining.

Bora Bora’s lagoon is astonishing.

Its 670 guests are more focused on destinations than on-board excitement. Regatta is a relatively quiet ship whose amenities include a full-service spa, rather wonderfully old-fashioned library, several bars and Baristas cafe, where Australians will be relieved to find properly made coffee.

I usually have a takeaway coffee in hand on the deck each morning. On top of all the other advantages of cruising in the South Pacific, a ship provides the best way to arrive. From a ship’s deck, islands are at first only hinted at in a swirl of seabirds and slumping of clouds. Then jagged volcanic peaks appear, and smudges of white surf against coral reefs.

Then Regatta sails into another harbour showcased in 360 degrees from its sports deck. We visit Samoa, then American Samoa. Then everyone piles back onto the ship at day’s end, happy with chatter, shaking the salt out of their hair.

A quick shower and change and I usually end up in the Observation Lounge wedged at the front of the ship: the place to be for cocktails. Over the tinkle of ice and the grand piano, towers of billowing clouds gather beyond the windows and the sun sets in lurid colours.

Swimming with stingrays.

You can’t fly direct between American Samoa and French Polynesia, but I don’t need to fret about that. Regatta gets me there, and before I know it I’m in Bora Bora and off on an organised snorkel safari.

Bora Bora lagoon is astonishing: pale neon blue in the shallows, in the depths dark shades of peacock, and above vertical volcanic green peaks. It looks like an AI photo: a bit exaggerated and not quite real.

As I tip into the water, stingrays cruise by on wobbling wings, an amazing animal encounter from the fringes of a nightmare that, as I relax, turns into a pleasure. Later, in the Coral Garden, gaudy fish pirouette through gaudy coral, outrageous as drag queens with their dots and stripes, painted lips and feathery fins.

Next day at Uturoa in Raiatea, as in most places in the Pacific, we aren’t inconvenienced by a cruise terminal. I step off the gangway and straight into the quay, where I’m greeted by ladies with hibiscuses entangled in their hair. One of them hands me a tiare flower, which I tuck behind my ear.

This is what I like about cruising too: it takes you places you wouldn’t otherwise visit. Raiatea is a large island dedicated more to vanilla and coconut plantations than tourism. Uturoa’s undercover market is piled with papaya, purple potatoes and orange-skinned bananas. A browse around the supermarket reveals a taste for brie and baguettes.

Then I’m off on an excursion for more snorkelling amid fluorescent purple coral and orange fish. Before Regatta sails away, I sit on my balcony with a cold beer. In the park across the quay, locals are practising their Polynesian dances and drumming.

Opunohu Bay in Moorea is a sensation. It has a backing of mountains eroded into improbable peaks. The lagoon spreads a skirt of shimmering turquoise hues. It has more sting rays, and reef sharks sleek and silent as submarines. It’s another lovely day out, and I didn’t have to think about any of it.

Then we’re leaving. The channel between the lagoon’s reefs is so narrow that passengers can holler from the deck at surfers catching waves.

I can see our final destination, Tahiti, just 20 kilometres across the water as I sit on the deck of Terrace Cafe, where the evening buffet is always a temptation of upmarket dishes such as sauteed foie gras, roast suckling pork, hot smoked salmon salad, and steamed fish.

I’m just finishing off an orange-spiced brioche cake as we sail into Papeete in the evening. Perhaps French Polynesia’s unlovely concrete capital isn’t the most fitting finale to a Pacific cruise, but as lights twinkle and palm trees rustle, even it has charm. Besides, I’ve journeyed a quarter of the way across the planet, and not a single travel trouble has disturbed my enjoyment of it.

THE DETAILS

Oceania Regatta underway.

CRUISE
Oceania Cruises sails worldwide and has numerous itineraries in the South Pacific, including trans-Pacific, French Polynesia and New Zealand cruises. Among them is an 18-day Papeete to Auckland cruise on Regatta’s sister ship, Nautica, that departs on March 7, 2025. From $10,970 a person. See oceaniacruises.com

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The writer was a guest of Oceania Cruises.