I’ve been invited to my first living wake. The guest of honour, who’s wheelchair-bound, is being released from his nursing home to attend. I have to bring a plate. Any suggestions?

G.G., East Lismore, NSW

A: I’ve never heard of a living wake. I’m guessing that it’s a sort-of regular wake with guests in a state of sort-of grief and loved ones delivering sort-of eulogies for a person who’s still alive, sort of. In that sense, I suppose it’s like a dress rehearsal for the real thing: the not-dead-yet person is a stage director, sitting back and making sure that the right words are being said, that the music playlist is timed properly, that loved ones are grieving appropriately – and, instead of a theatre script, they have their Last Will and Testament on their lap, a pen in one hand, a bottle of Wite-Out in the other.

So if you’ve been invited to a living wake, I guess you need to make the not-dead-yet person feel as loved as possible: fawn over them, pamper them, reminisce with them, and bring along a plate of food that they love to eat or, better still, a plate of food they can actually eat, maybe puréed potatoes with a very big straw. Avoid any dish that could actually hasten their death, so no popcorn, hard candy, beef jerky, bony fish, uncooked chicken, tainted shellfish or that Sardinian cheese filled with live maggots, even if it’s one of their faves. Unless, of course, you have a very busy upcoming social schedule and it would be really handy if you could compress the living wake and the real wake into one single, tidy event.

guru@goodweekend.com.au

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