Part of the tragedy of the Bondi Junction stabbings was hearing the distraught father of the attacker speak of loving “a monster” who had a mental illness and was frustrated by his inability to get a girlfriend.

It was a parent’s anguish, an extreme version of the anxiety many have about adult offspring who can see how their life is playing out and don’t like it. Though men and women in their 20s and 30s face many of the same obstacles, a gender divide has emerged and increasing numbers of men are stuck; angry and bewildered and occasionally boiling over.