We need a cultural shift from empathising with perpetrators | Kara Jung

It must be hard to be the sort of man who hides in bushes to expose himself to children or attack random women in the park, writes Kara Jung.

Walking through the parklands with a group of friends back in year 12, a man stepped out of the bushes, exposed himself and began masturbating as he chased and screamed at us.

Several similar incidents followed in the area. It filtered down from the police that the guy had some mental health issues but didn’t appear to be any real threat.

Silly us for being fearful.

We were told to avoid that area; change our behaviour so he didn’t have to alter his. 

A male jogger has recently been charged with disorderly behaviour after police received allegations about aggressive encounters along Linear Path in Highbury.

One alleged victim said police told her there was “not much they could do if he wasn’t actually touching her or attacking her”.

While that matter is now before the courts, some of the women we spoke to had changed their daily exercise routines in the interim.

A friend was followed home one night.

The man, much bigger than her, walked behind her for several blocks, crossed the road when she did. 

She was thinking: ‘Is he going to grab me? He’s stronger than me so should I kick him in the balls or punch him with the car key I already have linked through my fingers? Is he going to assault me? Rape me? Kill me?’

She was petrified. Had to knock on a stranger’s door to ask to wait there while she called a taxi she could barely afford to get home safely. What a nuisance. 

A colleague told me today that she was once attacked walking on a track in St Clair. A man on a bike came at her aggressively yelling statements including: “You’re a bitch” and “I will rape you”. 

“He got closer, aiming his bike toward me … crashed into me and tried to grab my arm. I just screamed as loud as I possibly could, he was sort of stumbling/tangled on his bike so I took the moment to run,” she said. What a nuisance, hey? I hope the man got the help he needs.

Another was stalked by a man she barely dated a few weeks. I was unfortunate enough to listen to about 20 out of the hundreds of the voice messages he has left and have never felt so terrified for another person. Twenty years on he still finds a way to contact her every few years. She hasn’t gone to the police since the original threats. He is just being a nuisance, right? Think of his mental health.

A friend upon leaving her abusive relationship was hunted down in a carpark where her ex then physically intimidated her and stole her keys, smashing them on the pavement. She was left stranded and deathly afraid. Police, she said, were dismissive. Not much they could do especially since they joint-owned the car.

Women learn early to anticipate violence. According to the World Health Organisation, one in three will have experienced sexual or physical violence by an intimate partner or sexual violence from a non-partner in their lifetime.

Not all men are dangerous. But how do you tell which ones are?

A guy screaming abuse, jolting at you and chasing you while you jog alone doesn’t have the victim thinking “Oh what a nuisance, the poor man might have a mental health issue or neurological disorder”.

Women are conditioned from experience to think the worst to protect their own safety.

We don’t need more lighting on running tracks or to be told to change our routines; to wear longer skirts or told to stop being selfish and think of HIM.

We need tougher laws that make that threatening behaviour illegal. But more than that, we need a cultural shift where, when a man threatens or intimidates a woman, our collective gasp is not “Oh, I do hope that man gets the help he needs, what a nuisance.” 

Because leaving another person fearing for their safety is so much more serious than that.