Nearly every woman has ‘that’ story. It feels like we might finally be heard, writes Kara Jung

Speak to nearly any woman, and they’ll have a story about harassment, writes Kara Jung. That’s why the March4Justice is so important.

Reclaim the Night march against violence against women in October 1999.

It was the late ’90s and oversized pants with tiny singlet tops were all the rage. It was the era of Dazzeland, The Coffee Pot and a 2am pie floater from the cart by Vic Square.

It was also when I attended my first protest in support of ending violence against women, Reclaim the Night. I knew some of those girls I walked beside were survivors of sexual assault. One in four was the number always spouted back then.

As my Doc Martins pounded down Hindley St we shouted “My body, my rights” and a man thrust his pelvis at us from a pub and shouted “you know you love it”; his mates laughing and slapping his back.

More than 20 years later, that one in four seems like an under count. An assault on an overnight train, sexually abused as a child, a vagina grope at a club, raped at a house party, sexually assaulted at schoolies at Victor. Then there’s the stories of harassment at the office: a more senior married employee sliding his hand up her thigh during work drinks, a colleague making demeaning comments and then defending it with the old “it was just a joke”, being sidelined after rejecting the boss’ advances.

Many of these stories that have been revealed to me over the years are not spoken about straight away. Why would you tell anyone in a society that places blame and shame for the male gaze, harassment and violence directly on the women they attack? So often they emerge years later when it is realised it can’t be swept under the carpet, for the victims at least. But the impact on the lives of these bright and wonderful women can be devastating. Derailing. In some cases, deadly.

I recall a dinner in the mid-2000s with a group of about nine women. One spoke of an incident of sexual harassment at work. She was unsure of what to do.

We went around the table and each and every woman had a story. Each and every one.

No one had ever reported it.

Because it’s always their word against yours. Because with a well-placed whisper here or there, you could miss out on that opportunity, that promotion. I mean, she’s not that good, right? She’s aggressive. Too emotional. Too sensitive. And how do you prove otherwise? Where’s your admissible evidence?

But unlike two decades ago, this conversation has spilt from the streets on a Friday night protest to the office. There are women telling their stories like Brittany Higgins and Grace Tame, who rightly states that “we can’t fix a problem we don’t discuss”.

There are journalists like Nina Funnell, Samantha Maiden, Louise Milligan and Lisa Wilkinson who won’t just shoosh. And there are the women in senior positions deciding where those stories are placed on websites and in newspapers who demand this discussion be front and centre.

There are women in parliament – both state and federal – who will be seated at that table when we talk about a way forward, about education on consent, workplace culture and changing laws to protect women against violence.

There are women like South Australia’s first female Attorney-General and Deputy Premier Vickie Chapman who have demanded an inquiry into workplace culture in state parliament and introduced tough new strangulation laws in domestic-violence situations.

They are at the table saying “No, this time we talk about it”.

It is these warriors who we can thank for this finally being a national conversation in recent weeks.

On Monday is the March4Justice in Victoria Square. More than two decades on from that protest in the ’90s, this one will be a little different. Those who march to support a change will know this conversation will be happening, not just in the streets that day, but in the workplace and in parliament and across our country. If we talk about it, we can change it.

Thank you to those women who are telling their stories or using their power to support someone who is.

The March4Justice is on Monday, March 15, at noon in Victoria Square. It is free and everyone is invited.