Kara Jung: It serves to remove guilt from a heinous criminal, putting it back on the victim

Language matters and Australia is stuck is the dark ages in too many ways, writes Kara Jung.

“It’s failure to thrive,” the doctor said.

I hadn’t slept and was in the throes of breastfeeding but I was suddenly wide awake.

I was lucky I had heard the term before and knew how bloody ridiculous it was. Like many things that impact women and children, the language around this official medical term was still in the dark ages.

Failure to thrive is the term used for a baby not gaining weight at an average pace or being underweight for their age. I remember my doctor actually cringing when she said it. It doesn’t take into account genetics and a myriad of other factors.

And until a few years ago, the charts were all a bit out of whack anyway until someone (probably a woman) realised breastfed babies grow more erratically than bottle-fed. So weight charts were, oops, a bit s--t. Many mothers I know have felt like an incredible failure thanks to hideous medical terms that should have been thrown out with the baby bathwater.

Because, even though it’s out of date and ridiculous, failure to thrive indicates just that, a failure. And not on the baby, but on the mum who, in those first few weeks, is usually the primary carer and main source of nourishment. It hurts. Language matters.

When I first started covering courts as a young reporter and had to write the words “maintaining a sexual relationship with a child”, I was horrified. That’s what the legal charge is actually called?

The word “relationship” implies consent, a balance of power and diminishes the reality of a violent assault of a child. Same with “sexual intercourse”.

Our 2021 Australian of the Year Grace Tame is a child-abuse survivor and one of the most outspoken recipients of the award in its 62-year history.

In 2010, 15-year-old Grace was groomed and then repeatedly raped by her teacher Nicolaas Ockert Bester, 58 at the time. Grace reported Bester’s crimes the following year, and when arrested police police found 28 images of child pornography on his computer.

Grace Tame addresses the media at the National Press Club. Picture: Lisa Maree Williams/Getty Images

He pleaded guilty to “maintaining a relationship with a young person” and possession of child-exploitation material, and was convicted and sentenced to two years and 10 months in jail, but was paroled after serving a paltry 19 months.

Imagine that most serious betrayal – being raped by an adult who was supposed to keep you safe. And now imagine going through a court system that calls the abhorrent crime a “relationship”. Language matters.

In this case it serves to remove guilt from a heinous criminal, putting it back on the victim. It serves to re-traumatise.

Ms Tame launched a new campaign to remove the word “relationship” from crimes relating to child sex abuse last year.

Just this month the ACT government responded by declaring it will change the name of the crime “maintaining a sexual relationship with a child” to “persistent sexual abuse of a child”.

It’s a great result and another step forward. But it has only happened, despite such language being so obviously draconian and abusive, because people like Ms Tame decided to make some noise.

This time last year, a swell of collective anger saw hundreds of thousands of women take to the streets to demand better. We are moving forward, but who can blame anyone for a little side-eye in the midst of such a slow and exhausting fight?

And for the record, yep, it’s still called failure to thrive.

March 4 Justice 2, a national day of action, will be held at Victoria Square/Tarntanyangga this Sunday, February 27 from 10.30am to 12.30pm. Bring your mask, a picnic rug, signs and something to make some noise.