I’m flushed with pride in our toilets | Peter Goers

While an Adelaide City councillor has demanded answers on the crappy state of the city’s public toilets, we should be flushed with pride over our country loos, according to Peter Goers.

Let us now praise country loos. In my many travels I’ve been relieved to enjoy almost every public toilet in SA. Not in a George Michael sort of way but because of my notoriously weak bladder. I micturate at least 25 times a day and I so wish I was exaggerating.

I’ve been honoured to declare open new public toilets in Lock and Mt Gambier. I should have cut a ribbon of toilet paper. Happily, I’ve never attended a country loo that wasn’t clean. Public loos in the city are often disgusting as we disturbingly read in our Sunday Mail last week thanks to journalist Sam Lowe’s investigation which really got to the bottom of things. We are right to be septic sceptics about the state of city public conveniences which are, literally, crappy. Yuk!

City loos bad. Country loos good.

The toilet block in Victoria Square was demolished in September 2000.

Remember the lovely old toilet block of blessed memory in Victoria Square. The stalls were coin operated as in “spend a penny” and those loos were clean and much appreciated. During the Lord Mayoralty of Michael Harbison that toilet block was razed and replaced with capsule loos which were promoted as graffiti-proof, vandal-proof and self-cleaning. Within hours they were graffitied, vandalised and filthy. They played piped music as you entered – Barbra Streisand’s Evergreen which became off-putting.

By comparison country loos are brilliant. They are invariably cleaner than my loo at home which, admittedly, wouldn’t be hard. Rural communities take pride in the “cleanth” and convenience of their public convenience because of hospitality and economic advantage. If the loo in a town is good, travellers will stop and also shop. Often country councils use members of progress associations to clean and maintain the loos. Country towns have a lot to lose if the loos are not popular. We are bona fide as travellers are we deserve good, clean toilets. I love touring SA and when you’ve got to go, you’ve got to go. Be assured you can rely on country loos and which is good because you’ll never never go if you never never know.

The toilets in Hindmarsh Square are among Ade; aide’s worst. Picture: Brett Hartwig

The Federal Government is often in the poo but it actually and usefully is with its excellent public toilet map which is now an app (what isn’t?) and shows you where every public toilet in Australia is. I, too, am a public toilet map. I can tell you where every public toilet in regional SA is located and I can’t play favourites but here goes …

Keith’s public toilets used to be the best in SA and they’re right across the road from the bakery but they’re not as good as they used to be so lift your game, Keith. The Cummins loos have whimsical mosaic decorations, The Willalooka loos have piped music, Burra has three different public toilets dotted around that beaut town and Tarlee’s loos are very handy and very social – a great place to have a chat to farmers and grey nomads. Lochiel’s loos are lovely. Hahndorf could do with more.

Some years ago the Outback Areas Community Development Trust closed the public toilet at Angorichina (between Blinman and Parachilna). Then people had to ablute al fresco causing used toilet paper to blow around and festoon gum trees. It became a shit fight but happily the loo was reopened to the relief of many.

The Cummins toilet mosaic members: Judy Hurrell, Wendy Holman, Yvonne Laube, Liz Slater, Barb Fuller, Josie Hammond.

Country loos are easy to find. They are generally behind the institute or town hall or in the Main Street. They are key to country hospitality. I’ve visited Cleve and cleft. Once on leaving the loos in Cleve the zip on my fly on my daks broke and the menswear shop was closed but the op shop was open. There were plenty for trousers but no-one had died recently in my size so they took a zip out of a pair of trousers they had and replaced my zip. That’s country hospitality. They wouldn’t do that in Myers.

Along the Coorong there’s a roadhouse which will only allow you to use the loo if you buy something. I didn’t need anything but a pee so I stopped on the side of the road. I hadn’t seen another vehicle for an hour until I peed when dozens of cars suddenly passed.

I always check country toilets for a snake curled up in a corner and ready to attack a trouser snake.

So that’s my paen to country loos and we should all be very grateful to those good people who take pride in them and especially those who clean them so well. They do a good job – so to speak.