The early bird gets the worm – but has to wait at Woolies | Peter Goers

Apparently Australia’s retailers aren’t on the same page as people like me, writes Peter Goers.

The older you get the earlier you do things.

There’s an old couple and they’re still in their own home. They have their tea at 4.30pm and at 5pm they go into the lounge room and watch the Channel 10 News at 5, followed by the Channel 7 News at 6, followed by the Channel 2 News at 7. At 7.30, they go to bed and listen to the wireless.

Bearing in mind this couple is ancient, and at 5pm in the lounge room, the wife says to the husband, “Would you like dessert?” The husband replies, “Yes, please, ice cream with strawberry topping but write it down – you’ll forget.”

The wife replies, “I can remember ice cream and strawberry topping” and she mumbles “ice cream and strawberry topping” under her breath as she goes to the kitchen.

Half an hour later she brings him baked beans. “Ha!”, says the husband, “you forgot the toast”.

This is a scene coming to us as the fog descends.

But it’s good to be early. Older people generally have more time to get organised and you don’t want to rush.

A couple cooking and eating dinner at home. Probably at around 5pm. Picture: istock

Country people are often early too, and old country people are particularly early. Prompt is good.

As you age you need more rest but get less sleep. The young can sleep ’til the crack of noon but the old are up at sparrow’s fart.

A couple of months ago I had a big sleep in for the first time in years and woke up at 7.10am and half the day seemed gone. One wakes up early because of the bladder.

In my halcyon years as a party boy I’d drag home at 4am and now I’m getting up then. Staying out very late becomes inconceivable.

Plus, it’s one of the hard-learned lessons of life that nothing good happens in the big wide world after 3am.

It’s lovely to go to bed (as early as possible) and hope for the sweet oblivion of sleep. Bed is where I can let myself go. Bed is my favourite place.

It’s good to be early. Actually, if you’re on time, you’re late.

I go to the supermarket for my weekly shop at 7.30 every Friday morning. It’s quiet.

For early birds it’s annoying that some shops now open at 10am and not 9am. Why?

Older people often avoid going out at night and, with an ageing population, matinees increase in popularity.

The ageing audience is a problem.

Twice I’ve attended the State Theatre Company on Saturday nights and been the youngest person in the house.

I pioneered late afternoon Fringe sessions for my shows which I call “nice shows particularly for old people”.

That concept has caught on and now every second Fringe show seems to play at that time for the ageing audience. Fair enough.

If you get to places early you are keen, organised, have a better chance of a park and you learn things.

Shaun Micallef is the most disciplined actor I’ve ever worked with and the earliest to arrive. That’s how he learned.

Older people eat early. I eschew breakfast but eat lunch at 10.30am followed by a nap. I eat dinner late (mainly because I’ve often worked nights) and food is my cue to sleep, but my best friends are Gaviscon and Mylanta. I’m certainly not addicted to sleeping pills – I’ve just been using them for 50 years.

Older ladies will agree that when it comes to a hairdressing appointment the early bird catches the perm. Early is good for everything except of course our last appointment – the yawning grave. Best be late for that.

Shazz Weaver, president of Australian Naturist Federation, and her partner Barra Mundi are long time Maslins beach goers. Picture: Dean Martin

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PETER GOERS’ HOT/NOT

HOT

Maslin Beach – take extra sun screen

The Newsreader on iview

SA government saves Whyalla

NOT

Lack of civics education

My RAA membership has increased by $34

Privatisation

Clive Palmer