Will and Jada have an ‘open marriage’ – how does the relationship work?

After his 2022 Oscars incident, Will Smith’s “open” marriage is back in the limelight. But what does an open relationship actually mean?

The term “open relationship” has never been as popular as it is right now.

While many couples are exploring and talking out about enjoying consensual, non-monogamous relationships – including Australian radio-host Abbie Chatfield – there’s one couple whose marital set-up has many intrigued: Will Smith and wife Jada Pinkett Smith.

After Monday’s dramatic Oscars ceremony, all eyes are on the Smiths, with some even speculating the pair’s “open marriage” had something to do with Smith’s shocking on-screen assault of Chris Rock.

Monday’s dramatic Oscars ceremony has put Will Smith’ ‘open’ marriage back into the limelight. Picture: P. Lehman/Future Publishing via Getty Images

Interest in the Smith’s apparently open marriage has been going for a long time.

In 2013, Pinkett Smith posted on Facebook, “Will and I BOTH can do WHATEVER we want, because we TRUST each other to do so. This does NOT mean we have an open relationship … this means we have a GROWN one.”

It wasn’t until 2021, in his memoir that Smith acknowledged that the couple were embracing “the power of loving in freedom,” which allowed them to be “simultaneously 100 per cent bound together and 100 per cent free”.

What exactly is an open relationship?

So what does this mean? What is an open relationship and what does it involve?

According to Sydney sex and relationship therapist Pamela Supple, it doesn’t fit into a single definition. There are different types of open relationships depending on what people need and feel comfortable with.

Will Smith wrote in his memoir that he and Pinkett Smith were embracing ‘the power of loving in freedom’. Picture: Chris Pizzello/AP

Essentially, the term refers to all types of non-monogamous relationships including monogamish and polyamory.

Oftentimes open relationships involve two primary people in an intimate relationship who agree to open up their relationship to other people sexually, but not romantically. However, this is not always the case.

In polyamorous relationships, for instance, there is not necessarily a primary couple, but three or more people who are committed to that relationship.

“Sexuality is now more fluid for couples … some people say ‘it’s our relationship and we’ve got to design a relationship that works for us’,” Ms Supple said.

According to Ms Supple, these relationships are often sexual but can be just purely intimate without a sexual component.

Monogamish, on the other hand, is when a couple has a deep emotional connection, live as a monogamous couple but have agreed to have sex with other partners.

Konrad Bien-Stephens and Abbie Chatfield recently revealed they were in an open relationship. Picture: Instagram

Why do couples choose ‘open relationships’?

Ms Supple has seen people with all different needs and desires engage in non-monogamy.

“There are so many reasons why people might want to open up their relationship,” she said.

“Maybe your sexuality is fluid and you’d like to experiment with same-sex people … or somebody who has a bit of a kink or a bit of a fetish that their partner can’t meet, and their partner is open for them to go out and have that for themselves.”

There are also health reasons why a couple may decide to open things up.

“If there’s an illness and one person can’t have sex anymore for whatever reason, there can be a discussion. For example, I don’t mind if you get a massage with a happy ending.”

Threesomes can also be a method of opening up a relationship. Some people can be turned on seeing their partner have sex with someone else. Or quite simply, some couples decide that they have a lot of love to give and agree to be in a relationship with more than one person.

At the end of the day, every relationship is different.

Is it the same as cheating?

As long as there is total transparency about what is happening and agreement that this is what both parties want to do, then an open relationship is not considered cheating. Ms Supple pointed out that it’s very important that both parties want to do it and no one is being coerced into it.

“One person saying, ‘If we don’t do this, we’re not going to be together’ is not going to work because that’s abusive behaviour.”

There is more room for experimentation and it forces couples to be completely open with each other and communicate. Picture: iStock

What are the advantages of an open relationship?

According to Ms Supple there are plenty of advantages. Couples who are unable to have lots of sex for one reason or another can have their needs met without cheating.

There is more room for experimentation and it forces couples to be completely open with each other and communicate.

And just because a relationship is open, does not mean it can’t be closed again if things change.

“It might not be forever,” said Ms Supple.

“There’s a lot of people still to this day who just want committed monogamous relationships.”

What are the disadvantages?

There are not so much disadvantages to open relationships, more that they can become toxic if entered into for the wrong reasons.

“It takes a lot of trust and respect,” said Ms Supple.

“If you’ve got problems in the relationship already it’s best to get those addressed beforehand.

“Sometimes there’s going to be jealousy, there’s going to be trust issues.”

For Ms Supple, the way of dealing with those issues is communication. Both parties need to feel informed and comfortable.

In addition, children also complicate the matter. Where will they live? What will you tell them?

Ms Supple does not recommend telling children about an open relationship unless it is polyamorous. This is because, generally all parties of polyamorous relationships are involved in raising the children.

Open relationships can become toxic if entered into for the wrong reasons. Picture: iStock

What should you consider before entering into an open relationship?

Ms Supple said communication is key and this means negotiating boundaries and agreements. These can be things like not bringing people home or using the bed, determining what level of sexual protection is required and what types of relationships are considered okay.

For instance establishing if other relationships should be just sexual or whether they can be emotional as well. Some couples have relationships with other friends, while some would rather hire sex workers.

“A lot of people feel safer [hiring sex workers] because they know it’s a paid for thing and then the person just gets up and goes,” said Ms Supple.

“People are talking about open relationships because sexuality is opening up … which is fantastic. There are a lot of grey areas that need to be discussed but if it is done well, it can work for a lot of people.”

Originally published as Will and Jada have an ‘open marriage’ – how does the relationship work?