Viral Reddit thread reveals sex rules people don’t know

It should be basic common sense in the bedroom, but Nadia Bokody argues most of us don’t know about these sexual no-nos.

I’m gonna level with you.

Being a sex columnist isn’t the lucrative career Sex And The City told us it is.

Carrie Bradshaw might have made chronicling her romps about town look like a feasible way to bankroll an NYC apartment and a designer wardrobe, however, she also headed up a group of women who apparently had no interest in donning comfortable footwear.

I mean, I could believe Samantha accidentally dyed her pubes pink – but that she walked nine blocks in stilettos? I’m getting bunions just thinking about it.

Being a sex columnist isn’t the lucrative career Sex And The City promised it to be. Picture: Alamy

Admittedly, I do live in an inner-city apartment and own a fairly exxy shoe collection, though it’s certainly not due to the fruits of my writing; I have YouTube to thank for that.

A few years ago, very much on a whim, I started a sex education channel on the platform hoping to make some supplemental income. Just three months later, it had amassed 100,000 subscribers, and I found myself in the very millennial position of becoming a full-time YouTuber.

I say this not to gloat – because, let me tell you, my first year of content was embarrassingly bad (also, I have no idea what I was thinking with my eyebrow makeup back then) – but to emphasise how scant accessible sexual health information is.

What’s struck me most about the comments and messages I’ve received in response to my videos over the years (which have thankfully improved in production value since I hired an editor and learned downlighting isn’t my friend), is how little knowledge most people have on fundamental issues like sexual hygiene and safety.

From Nadia's experience, most people have little knowledge on sexual hygiene and safety. Picture: Instagram/@NadiaBokody

I’ve been asked on more than one occasion if it’s okay to use a hairbrush handle as a replacement for a dildo (it’s not. Don’t try that at home) and heard from countless people who clearly never knew you shouldn’t put flavoured lubricant on a vulva (the sugars can trigger yeast infections in vaginas, though they’re fine for penises).

I’ve had surprised comments, too, from viewers who were unaware of the importance of changing condoms between anal and vaginal sex to minimise risk of infection, or who didn’t know unclean nails are an absolute no-no for the same reason.

The problem is, we’re conditioned to regard these things as “unspoken rules” – no one ever explicitly tells us to clean under our nails before sex or keep multiple condoms handy when we’re switching things up – we’re just...supposed to know.

In a recent viral Reddit thread, an anonymous user asked people to weigh in on these “unspoken” rules, with unnerving results.

“My ex once started to come on to me and I had to tell him to p*** off and clean his nails. They were BLACK underneath with dirt,” one Redditer responded, while others chimed in, “for god’s sake scrub under your nails!”

A recent viral Reddit thread had some unnerving results. Picture: Reddit

The answers illustrated a need for better education on everything from lubricant use (inserting anything dry can result in pain, micro-tearing, and consequently, increased risk of infection, so don’t do it) to communication (never assume consent for a particular sex act simply because a partner is already enthusiastically performing another. As one Redditer puts it, “If you wanna get busy BDSM style, you gotta have a detailed and frank discussion about it with the sexual partner first”).

So, if you’ve gotten to this point and realised your sexual knowledge isn’t as thorough as you thought it was, take heart in knowing you’re far from alone.

The reality is, a lot of what we need to know to have safe, consensual, pleasurable sex is treated as “unspoken”, because we live in a culture that’s more comfortable discreetly searching for “advice on how to have anal sex” on YouTube, than with normalising discussions about pleasure and prioritising meaningful sex education.

Carrie Bradshaw might have had an influence on why I got into this job, but – in case it wasn’t extremely evident by now – I haven’t stuck around for the past decade on account of the lucrative financial benefits and glamorous lifestyle.

I’m here because of something I realised a few months into my unplanned career as a YouTuber, and that’s that there’s power in giving a voice to things we’ve been taught to leave unsaid.

Follow Nadia Bokody on Instagram and YouTube for more sex, relationship and mental health content.

Originally published as Viral Reddit thread reveals sex rules people don’t know