Man says wife isn't a SAHM because their daughter goes to school

"I refer to her as a stay-at-home wife and not mum," the dad revealed.

A dad online has gone viral for debating the meaning behind the term 'stay-at-home-mum'.

He took to the AITA forum to rant about his wife's request that he help out more around the home, even though she's a 'SAHM' and should have the time to look after the house. 

But the mum has recently taken up a new hobby that takes up a lot of her time, leaving the two in disagreement over the split of domestic duties. 

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"It's a hobby, not a job"

He posted to the forum seeking advice about whether he was in the wrong for telling his wife that she has a "hobby, not a job" after she asked him to help out more to allow her the space to write a book. 

The dad, who works 12 hours a day, wrote: "It's not a job and just a hobby until she starts making money" and "I tried to tell her that we agreed that she takes care of the house while I make the money."

She didn't take this well and has since been sleeping in the guest room, which left him questioning his stance and whether he was too harsh. 

In an edit to his post, the husband casually added that they have a seven-year-old daughter, but she went to school, so she wasn’t in the house enough to warrant his wife calling herself a stay-at-home mum.

"[Our daughter] goes to school at around 7:35 in the morning and comes back almost 5 p.m. in the evening after her extra circulars, so my wife only watches her for about two hours without me each day, which is why I refer to her as a stay-at-home wife and not mum."

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"Her day job is to handle household chores"

Surprisingly, a lot of people actually backed up the husband. 

"In his edit, he says the kid is at school all day, then extracurriculars after, and she only gets home two hours before him. So most of the day, his wife is alone in the house," said one user, while others agreed she should have plenty of time to do everything. 

"Up-and-coming writers don't quit their day job until after publishing their first book. Right now, her day job is to handle household chores," someone else claimed.

Another woman, on the other hand, noted that there’s a lot of invisible work that the husband likely isn't thinking about.

"So no one has to buy the kid clothes or school supplies, brush her hair, help her pack her bag and get ready or do her homework, remind her to shower, feed her etc.? She's entirely self-sufficient, or OP does everything himself, so that's why she's a SAHW and not a SAHM?

"Because she never parents? I'm not saying that not doing the chores is the answer, but come on now, a seven-year-old isn't miraculously only getting two hours of care per day from one person. There's a ton of tasks involved in keeping her alive and well outside of those two hours."

Then, this person also concluded that he was in the wrong, not because of his opinion but because of how he communicated it.

"YTA. Not because of your expectations but because of your insensitivity and inability to be flexible and have a meaningful and respectful conversation with her," they said. "I see what you mean about you two having agreed to certain roles but she shouldn't be cemented to that forever.

"She's telling this is something that's important to her. Sit down and reassess your roles. You may not be able to do all she's expecting now but maybe you guys can find a middle ground if you have a respectful conversation and can understand where she's coming from."

Originally published as Man says wife isn't a SAHM because their daughter goes to school