I was blasted by a complete stranger for not watching their child

"I gave the mum a courtesy nod as if to say, 'I’ll supervise him,' but after he ran off I didn't give him a second thought. She then asked me where he went... so am I in the wrong?"

Something upsetting happened to me a few weeks ago and the more I replay the incident in my mind the more I’m convinced that I am not in the wrong.

Full disclosure: I don’t enjoy taking my kids to the playground. I don’t have an inner child that bounces to the surface and runs amok shrieking along with the kids as we race to the flying fox.

I don’t love squeezing my adult-size bum into a child-size slide to demonstrate that I’m the fun mum. And I need a lie down after a stint supervising the swings.

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'It made me question my parenting etiquette'

My eldest is nearly seven and was obsessed with the playground from the get-go, so it’s safe to say I’ve done my fair share of standing around trying not to look bored.

I’ve clocked up numerous hours willing nausea away on the merry-go-round, spent hundreds of imaginary dollars buying strawberry ice cream from the mini-mart, and politely laughed along with other parents - “Yes, he loves that slide too!”. 

I do feel bad for my youngest though. He was born during the pandemic and didn’t get his chance to experience the joys of playground play until he was about 1. So any chance we get when his brother is playing Saturday sport or out with his Dad, we make a beeline for his favourite playground.

It was during one particular playground visit when something happened that completely threw me for a loop and made me question my own parenting-at-the-playground etiquette.   

"It made me question my parenting-at-the-playground etiquette' Image: Supplied

"Weren't you watching him?!"

My three-year-old and I arrived at the playground early so there were only a handful of other kids there. First, we toured the slides and the play tower, then we moved on to watching one of the older kids on the flying fox before having a spin on the merry-go-round.

We’d been spinning and feeling nauseous for about five minutes when a little boy who couldn’t have been more than two toddled along to join us.

I knew which parent he belonged to as I’d noticed his mum nursing his brother or sister at the other end of the playground.

I gave his mum a courtesy nod as if to say “Is this ok?/don’t worry, I’ll supervise him on the merry-go-round” to which she nodded back with a smile. 

Either I wasn’t a very good merry-go-rounder or the little boy was also feeling slightly nauseous because not even a minute went by when he ran off to find something else to do.

My little one was also bored by this point so we decided to check out those big metal xylophones the kids love banging on.

I didn’t give a second thought as to what the other little boy was doing until his mum came running frantically towards me asking where he went!? I’ll never forget the urgency in her voice as she was saying “Excuse me! Excuse me! Excuse me!”

I’ll also never forget the panic in her voice when she asked or rather accused, “Weren’t you watching him?!”

Hang on a second, I was supposed to be watching your child?

"Weren't you watching him?" the mum asked Haylie. Image: Supplied

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"My heart sank when I realised he could be lost"

Playground etiquette these days isn’t child’s play. Kids steal each other’s toys, smoosh other kids trying to go down the slide, and they’ll tell you straight to your face that “no, you can’t play with us”.

Parents at the playground are generally an amicable bunch. We smile and engage in small talk, we understand the rule about not hogging the swings, and we’ll help someone else’s child down the slide if mum or dad is not close by.

However, we do also understand that taking your kids to the playground means entering an arena where different parenting philosophies do sometimes clash - a case in point is me getting blasted by another parent for not watching their child.

My heart sank as any other parent’s heart would when I realised that this little boy was potentially lost.

After finding out his name, I ran back to the merry-go-round while calling it out as his mum did the same. He wasn’t anywhere where we could see him - we checked the cubbyhouse, the toilets, the ramp next to the flying fox and nothing.

Relief followed by confusion: "Should I have kept watching him?"

I was so relieved when we finally heard someone yell, “He’s here!” He’d wandered to the very far end of the playground and was watching a soccer game on the neighbouring field through the fence in and amongst some big bushes.

Relief flooded over me as I’m sure it did to his mum as she hugged her little boy with joy but stared me down with daggers.

I didn’t want to make a bad situation worse so the only thing I could think to say was, “I’m so glad he’s ok.” I didn’t get a reply from the mum and I decided to leave the playground.  

Of course, I understand that the mum was upset and fearing the worst. I would be the same. I would feel panic and dread, but would I blame another parent?

No, probably not. Everyone knows that children can wander, especially with so many exciting things to look at in a playground.

Yes, I had given the nod to watch the little boy on the merry-go-round but I assumed that that was where the supervision ended. Am I wrong? Should I have watched him for the rest of our playground visit? 

I’m still questioning my parenting-at-the-playground etiquette and whether I should have done something more.

Perhaps I should’ve told the mum that we were finished playing or given her a nod to signal that the interaction was over.

Perhaps I should’ve invited the little boy to keep playing with us. Neither of these thoughts popped into my mind at the time because, really, is it my responsibility to watch someone else’s child at the playground?

Originally published as I was blasted by a complete stranger for not watching their child