I don't treat my daughter and stepdaughter as equals, because they're not

"If one earns more than the other, why should she be punished?"

Steve* and Ellen* are both on their second marriages and each bring a daughter from their previous marriage.

However, their teens earn vastly different amounts in their respective jobs, which has led to tensions among the couple as they navigate how to make things 'fair' between them and ensure that one is not jealous of the other.

Taking to Reddit, Steve explained, "My daughter has always been athletic and outgoing. Growing up, she played basketball, softball, soccer, volleyball, and even golf."

"In primary school, she picked up tennis and never looked back. I paid for her to have private lessons and when she found out how much I was paying for those lessons, she decided that's what she wanted to do as her teenage job."

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The teen's pay disparity

The teen is now thriving as one of the top tennis players on her school team and also instructs tennis lessons.

The father is noticeably proud as he discusses his daughter's success, both as a player and a coach, and how she has reaped financial benefits from her passion.

She charges $120 per hour per kid, raking in approximately $1933 a week.

He said that he restricts her working hours to allow her to prioritise her studies, despite the fact that she could potentially earn more money. He compared this with his stepdaughter's part-time job at a local burger restaurant, which pays a low wage.

He continued, "My stepdaughter is reserved and not very athletic. We always tried to sign her up to the same sport and team with my daughter but she either objected or quit a couple of weeks in. I get it, sports are not for everyone so I never made her feel bad about it. She recently turned 16 and got a job at a burger place nearby."

Image: IStock

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She isn't making anywhere near as much as her stepsister, as she's earning $21 an hour and brings home less than $350 a week.

Since getting the tennis coaching gig, his daughter has started to be independent and buy her own clothes and electronics with her own money, as she can afford to. But this has led to his stepdaughter becoming jealous, and being 'very vocal' about it.

Steve and Ellen are now butting heads over what to do about this disparity, as she wants his daughter to help hers out financially and help her buy the things she wants.

"While we were in bed last night, my wife said it was unfair one is making so much more than the other," Steve continued. "I answered that there's nothing we can do about it and it's a good life lesson for the girls. My wife then suggested we have my daughter use her money to help my stepdaughter buy the same things, or we cover the pay difference between the girls.

"We whisper-argued for about an hour before we went to sleep. This morning, she brought it up again and said I'm refusing because I'm playing favourites, and that's an a***hole move for a parent. We argued until we had to leave for work."

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"She's showing favouritism"

In the comments, people mostly supported the dad's stance, saying that he was preparing the teens for life. 

One person noted: "Why would you punish one child to benefit the other? It is a good lesson for both girls. The one who makes less is learning she needs to learn valuable skills to pay for what she wants. The one who makes more is reaping the benefits of consistent effort."

"Your partner wants to take money away from your daughter (money that is hers, that she earned), and give it to her daughter, that's favouritism, it's not your daughter's fault that her stepsibling makes less than her, and the stepsibling should learn to not aspire to spend more than what she can afford, your partner is setting up her daughter for failure as an adult," weighed in a second.

Others offered the dad some advice about how he could help his stepdaughter. 

One Redditor said: "Did you offer your stepdaughter the same opportunity to have private lessons in things she was actually interested in, or just sports? Treating them equally means equal opportunity, not equal outcome.

"You say you signed stepdaughter up for the same sports teams but that obviously isn't where her interest lies, meanwhile, if she had an interest in art or music or tech and you made the same investment toward private lessons/equipment, she could have theoretically pursued those interests to the same results as your daughter has."

Originally published as I don't treat my daughter and stepdaughter as equals, because they're not