School formal prep is much easier for boys than it is for girls

"The school emails about how the girls should look began months in advance."

Karen Bleakley

4 min read

October 15, 2024 - 2:03PM

Parenting

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As a parent of twin boys finishing year nine, the semi-formal is looming – but in my house, it barely feels like an event at all.

I’ve heard very little about it, and only just found out what date it’s on next month.

My boys don’t seem to care about it at all.

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"What's an acceptable dress?"

This casual attitude is in stark contrast to what I’m seeing from my friends with daughters in the same year. They’ve been talking about the semi-formal for weeks - months even. Dress shopping is done, salon appointments are booked and there’s back-and-forth with the school about what’s an acceptable dress for the occasion.

There is such a difference between how boys and girls experience the exact same event.

Dress code dilemma

When it comes to the dress code, my boys couldn’t care less.

I was thrilled about the as-new suits I snagged on Marketplace for them, but they aren’t interested at all. They don’t even want to wear the jackets. They’ve turned down a shoe shopping trip, opting for their school shoes instead, and the cute cufflinks I found? Not a chance. There’s no thought about finding ties to match their suit (thankfully, I’ve got those, too).

They. Don’t. Care.

Meanwhile, girls face a strict set of rules. At our school, they’re given a detailed list of what's acceptable and what’s not – it covers everything from length and cuts to splits and cutouts.

They even have to submit a photo of their dress in advance to ensure it meets the criteria.

As a mum of boys, I appreciate my boys’ relaxed attitude. My sons will throw on their clothes and will have a good time. Girls, on the other hand, deal with weeks of stress and a long checklist of rules before the night even begins.

Image: Supplied

The financial challenge

There’s also a big difference in the financial side of things. Finding a bargain second-hand suit was a quick, no-fuss purchase for me, and the boys couldn’t care less about the specifics - they’re not picky and they despise clothes shopping.

My friends with daughters don’t have the same luxury. Finding a second-hand dress is much harder as you need to try on different styles and sizes. Plus a girl’s semi-formal experience isn’t just about the dress - it’s about the whole package.

This means thinking about hair, nails and make up – not to mention a bag and shoes. All of these extras add up, turning the night into a major financial investment for girl-parents.

The imbalance feels unfair. For a one-night event, the pressure on girls to look a certain way comes with a hefty price tag, something I’m already dreading for when my daughter’s time comes.

A different kind of pressure

Then there’s the emotional side of it all, too.

Girls face more than just logistical and financial challenges - they’re expected to care more about how they look. There’s pressure to stand out, to be fashionable but not too flashy or showy, and to make sure they conform to the dress code while still expressing their personal style.

Media messages paint a picture of what teenage girls ‘should’ look like, and it’s so much pressure to live up to. For many girls, the idea of a semi-formal being about having fun is lost because there are so many other things going on.

In contrast, my boys aren’t worried about making an impression at all – if anything, they just want to blend in.

They’re aren’t interested in asking anyone to be their date, and the idea of caring about their outfit or their presentation is so far from their minds. Their mindset is straightforward: show up, hang out with their mates and go home. There’s no obsessing over the small details, no fear of judgment and definitely no talk about how they’re going to look. To them, the semi-formal is just a school disco in slightly fancier clothes

"It's coming for me"

While I’m thankful for my boys’ laid-back attitude, I can’t help but feel worried for my daughter when her time rolls around. In a few years, she’ll be facing these pressures and I’ve already seen glimpses of what’s to come.

I know the semi-formal is supposed to be a fun rite of passage, a chance for teens to make memories with their pals before embarking on senior school. But it seems there’s no middle ground - they either don’t care enough (like my boys), or they care too much.

The differences in how boys and girls approach the semi-formal says a lot about the expectations placed on them by society and the influences from the media.

While my boys will be out the door in 20 minutes, many of their female classmates will spend hours preparing for the same event. The stress, the financial burden and the emotional pressure weigh much more heavily on the girls (and girl-parents!) - and while I expected more of that for their end of school formal, it’s been a shock to see it happening at 14 and 15 for their semi-formal.

As I watch my boys breeze through this occasion without a care in the world, I’m thankful for their low-key attitude. With my daughter’s semi-formal coming in a few years, I’m bracing myself for the added stress. I suppose, I’d better start saving now!