Federal budget 2022: Tim Blair breaks down the spin
Columnist Tim Blair breaks down the 2022 federal budget speech to decipher what treasurer Josh Frydenberg said and what he actually meant when he addressed the nation.
Treasurer Josh Frydenberg touched on everything from the war in Ukraine to the pandemic and household budgets when he took to the House of Representatives to deliver his 2022 federal budget speech on Tuesday night.
Here our columnist Tim Blair breaks down the annual oration to decipher what Mr Frydenberg said and what he actually meant when he addressed the nation.
GLOBAL CONFLICT
WHAT HE SAID: Tonight, as we gather, war rages in Europe. The global pandemic is not over. Devastating floods have battered our communities. We live in uncertain times.
WHAT HE MEANT: Don’t blame the government! We didn’t cause any of this!
OUR ECONOMY
WHAT HE SAID: Australia remains resilient. Australians remain strong. We have overcome the biggest economic shock since the Great Depression.
WHAT HE MEANT: In fact, Australia’s biggest economic shock was when Wayne Swan kept announcing surpluses, but let’s look ahead, not backwards.
THE OPPOSITION
WHAT HE SAID: Those opposite said the biggest test for our government would be what happens to jobs … those opposite were quick to criticise … those opposite allowed defence spending to fall to its lowest level since 1938.
WHAT HE MEANT: Those opposite used to have a name, but let’s not give them any free advertising in a budget speech.
FUEL
WHAT HE SAID: Fuel excise will be cut in half. For the next six months, Australians will save 22 cents a litre every time they fill up their car.
WHAT HE MEANT: Which will save just enough to buy an air freshener for a second-hand car you can’t afford.
ROADS
WHAT HE SAID: This temporary reduction in fuel excise will not come at a cost to road funding, which will see more than $12 billion spent in the coming year.
WHAT HE MEANT: $12 billion might be almost enough to fix that intersection in Dungog. You know, the one with potholes inside potholes.
VACCINES
WHAT HE SAID: New funding to make Victoria the first place in the southern hemisphere to manufacture mRNA vaccines.
WHAT HE MEANT: We’re just giving them something to do the next time they’re locked down for a whole year.
DEFENCE
WHAT HE SAID: Hobart Class Air Warfare Destroyers, built in South Australia, now in the water.
WHAT HE MEANT: Unusually, considering they’re built in South Australia and named Hobart, we’re talking about warfare instead of welfare.
RAIL
WHAT HE SAID: Tonight’s budget includes new commitments to road and rail projects. Brisbane to Sunshine Coast faster rail. Sydney to Newcastle faster rail.
WHAT HE MEANT: Note: not fast. Merely faster. These things are relative. Top speeds will still start with a one.
NATIONAL SECURITY
WHAT HE SAID: The lesson of history is that weakness invites aggression.
WHAT HE MEANT: Uh-oh. I think I might have just called Ukraine weak. This won’t go down too well in Kyiv. Secure the borders!
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