What to do when someone has food stuck in their teeth

Is there ever a good way to tell someone they have food stuck in their teeth? ALISON TURNER takes a deep dive into the modern quandary.

Here’s the tooth of the matter.

It’s happened to the best of us. You’ve been out – maybe at a party, maybe at dinner, maybe at a work function. You’ve been your most charming self – smiling, laughing, dropping pearls of wit and wisdom like the sparkling social jewel you are. Then you get home at the end of the night and look in the mirror… and there it is. Firmly glued between your lateral incisor and canine, a big green wodge of spinach.

Why? Why did no one tell you? Surely someone could have taken pity on you – grinning, spinach-toothed idiot that you were – and let you know?

Sure, being told you have food stuck in your teeth is never a nice feeling, no matter how gently the news gets delivered. It’s like the analog version of someone telling you that your phone torch is on. As unintentional as your situation might be, you still feel as though you’ve somehow failed as a human being.

People tend to shy away from situations that cause others distress, which is exactly why no one told you that you spent the entire evening walking around with half a salad bar hanging off your chompers.

But still, you want to be told. Preferably right away, before you manage to humiliate yourself in front of 50 different strangers, all your colleagues, that really hot guy by the bar and your Uber driver. So WHY did no one tell you?

People tend to shy away from situations that cause others distress, which is exactly why no one told you that you spent the entire evening walking around with half a salad bar hanging off your chompers. But clearly, this simply won’t do. A person needs to be told such things, no matter the face-incinerating embarrassment. Think of it as a public service.

So, for your own sake and that of all the rest of us when it’s next our turn to bear the fangs of shame, it’s time we settled on some tooth-telling tactics. For inspiration, let’s take a look at the various strategies commonly utilised in this, let’s face it, totally awks situation.

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Bite the bullet and let that person know they have a big hunk of lunch all up in their grill.

THE STRAIGHT-TO-IT

No mucking about. Look ‘em right in the eye and say, “You have food in your teeth”, and then carry on as normal.

Pros: Minimum fuss.

Cons: Minimum compassion. Could come across as a sociopath.

THE SOFT ASIDE

Gently touch their elbow and motion them to join you in a quiet corner before whispering the news.

Pros: Fewer people will hear their shame.

Cons: All that whispering makes you look suss.

THE CHARADE

Here, you attempt to convey the message by gesturing at your lips, licking your teeth or – as recommended by etiquette experts – dabbing at your mouth with a napkin. While it will certainly get the intended person’s attention, your increasingly desperate attempts to communicate will no doubt also get everyone else’s attention, too. And it’s likely no one will have the faintest idea what you’re on about.

Pros: Good practice for games night.

Cons: Everyone will think you’re insane.

THE FINGER

For the more reticent among you. Use a break in conversation to say quietly to the afflicted, “Uh, you have a little something… [point to offending tooth]”.

Pros: Subtle. Classy. Also works for stray boogers.

Cons: Could be mistaken as a clumsy attempt at flirting.

THE MEAN GIRL

This one involves lots of text abbreviations and poor use of the English language. Namely: “OMG, FYI you literally have, like, food stuck in your teeth. EW TBH.”

Pros: Literally none.

Cons: Only works for popular 16-year-old cheerleaders.

THE KID FROM THE SIMPSONS

There’s always that one person who thinks it’s absolutely hilarious to point and laugh, loudly calling everyone’s attention to the oral predicament in the room. If this is you, I think I can speak for everyone here when I say, may you floss the spinach-ridden teeth of the hounds of hell for all eternity.

Pros: Clearly you don’t care that everyone hates you.

Cons: You’ll be flossing the spinach-ridden teeth of the hounds of hell for all eternity.

THE WRAP UP

No matter which option you prefer, it’s time to bite the bullet and let that person know they have a big hunk of lunch all up in their grill. An in-your-face approach to telling someone that something’s in their face, if you will. So go forth and tell the tooth, my friends. And don’t forget to brush!

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Originally published as What to do when someone has food stuck in their teeth