She’s wearing her dog’s ashes in what looks like a sex toy. Should we tell her?

My brother’s sister-in-law’s dog died and she’s now wearing its ashes around her neck in a pendant that looks like a butt plug. Should he say something to her?
B.F., Avalon, NSW

Credit: Illustration by Simon Letch

Just great. You made me spend 10 minutes of my morning researching butt plugs online, then I had to spend the rest of the day deleting browsing data, clearing cached images, removing tracking cookies and factory-resetting my eyeballs. But my research actually surprised me. Objectively, aesthetically, you’d have to say, butt plugs are quite beautiful-looking objects. Teardrop-shaped, taper-tipped, smooth-sided. If they weren’t built for plugging butts, they could easily be a designer chessboard piece. Or an Alessi citrus squeezer. Or a religious symbol for a new spiritual movement with devotees who walk a bit funny.

And they could also be a very charming pendant for carrying around the ashes of a cremated loved one. It makes sense: the teardrop shape signifies the weight of your sorrow. The smooth sides represent the comfort of happy memories. And the wide, flanged handle serves as a constant reminder not to enter grief too deeply. You don’t want to get stuck inside grief. Take it nice and slow, using plenty of emotional lubricant.

As far as I’m concerned, this pendant sounds absolutely lovely and your brother shouldn’t mention a thing to his sister-in-law; it’ll just make her feel self-conscious and embarrassed and the sweet memory of her beloved dead pet will be forever associated with a small, silicone sex toy that stimulates sphincters. Only say something if the pendant is overtly butt-pluggy: if it’s skin-toned and ribbed. Or if it’s got a French tickler stuck on the end.

Or if it’s hanging from a necklace made entirely out of round, glass anal beads. He should definitely say something to her then.

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