Working with a young child is demanding. Should I be a stay-at-home mum?

I’m married with a young child. I took some time off after the pregnancy, and am now back to work part-time. But I’m struggling to cope with the demands of working and being a mum. My husband is hands-on, but it’s still a lot. Part of me feels like I can’t sustain this, and maybe it would be easier if I stayed home a little longer. We would be able to afford living on the one income, but wouldn’t get as far ahead with our financial goals. Staying at home has a financial opportunity cost, but it could significantly reduce the stress short-term. I’m stuck and don’t know what to do. How do I make this decision?

Thanks for your question. Here are some perspectives that might help:

Deciding when to return to work after pregnancy can be difficult, especially when finances come into play.Credit: Simon Letch

Life isn’t linear – why do your finances have to be?

We often think the pursuit of financial growth has to be very linear or consistent. You should always be earning more than before. You should always be moving up or forward in life.

This perspective often leads people to making life decisions that are largely motivated by a desire to maintain this linear, upward financial trajectory because there’s an underlying fear that if they don’t, they’ll move backwards, or get left behind.

This could look like: staying in a career much longer than you want instead of taking short-term steps backward to pursue a more fulfilling career, or going back to work much sooner than you’d like after having kids out of similar fears even though you can afford not to.

There will be times when the best way to increase your quality of life will be a non-financial move – even a backwards one.

But the thing is, you can still be financially successful, long-term, without that being the singular most important thing you’re optimising for all the time. Life isn’t a linear, upward trending line. So, why would your finances be?

It’s better to think of life in seasons. There will be seasons of your life when you have the capacity to focus more on financial growth. There may be seasons of your life when you choose to prioritise other things – maybe health, family, or other pursuits.

In those latter seasons, you could see it as a step backwards financially. Or, you could choose to see that your financial growth in earlier seasons is what is affording you the luxury to focus on other parts of your life now – and isn’t that the whole point of money anyway?

What are the other factors behind these options?

Often, we think that the decision is just about money, but usually, there’s more at play. For example – sometimes stepping away from work isn’t just about the loss of money, it’s about loss of identity or professional status, or connection to your professional peers.

Maybe everyone in your social circle has a job, making it difficult to connect with your friends as a full-time mum. Perhaps there were elements to staying at home full-time that you didn’t enjoy the first time.

Sometimes there are subconscious drivers we’re not aware of too. These can drive us to make decisions we’re not necessarily happy with. For example – maybe we subconsciously choose one option to avoid judgement, but it’s not the choice that would be aligned with our values.

So, something that can be helpful in making clearer decisions that you are less likely to regret later is getting clear on the full picture of the different factors at play. This gives you the ability to problem-solve with more clarity. For example – if you’re struggling to sustain part-time work because the commute is too long, then maybe you find a role that’s closer to home.

This then creates more flexibility for a range of options that could be available to you, instead of treating it like a binary problem of ‘either stay-at-home or keep working’.

What are you optimising for?

Sometimes people are surprised when I say – financial success isn’t the point of life. It’s just one area that’s worth paying attention to because it has the potential to significantly impact other areas too. But that doesn’t mean your life should always be optimised for financial success.

Your life should be optimised for overall quality of life. So, there will be times when the best way to increase your quality of life will be a non-financial move – even a backwards financial move.

This takes some courage because you can get attached to seeing continual financial growth, and attach a lot of meaning to ‘going backwards’. But you have to be clear on what’s important to you in each season of life – and let go of the rest.

Every choice has an opportunity cost, financial or otherwise. Life is a continual journey of choices, and each choice closes the door on some other choices. The key is to own whatever choice you make, and live it like it was the best choice you made.

Paridhi Jain is the founder of SkilledSmart, which helps adults learn to manage, save and invest money through financial education courses and classes.

• Advice given in this article is general in nature and not intended to influence readers’ decisions about investing or financial products. They should always seek their own professional advice that takes into account their own personal circumstances before making any financial decisions.

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