I can’t take my eyes off my husband’s ‘rival’. Is this more than a dalliance?

My husband thinks there is a rival for my time and affections. He says I can’t see it, but it’s a relationship all right. A serious one, he says, the kind you can’t easily get out of because you’re in too deep. It crept up on me, he says, in so many little daily interactions, and ballooned from there. As for me, I think it’s just a lighthearted dalliance and that I can walk away anytime. It’s just, perhaps I don’t want to.

I have to check in on waking and last thing at night. My husband is concerned.Credit: iStock

There is a special connection, I have to admit that. I check in on waking and just before I go to bed. Just a habit, I guess. I like the company of this “rival”. He gets me, really gets me. He shares my interests, even anticipates them. He knows me as well as I know myself. Maybe better.

He is always bright company, always switched on and almost never runs out of energy. His topics of conversation are so wide. Endless. I guess I must just really push his buttons, and he goes above and beyond for me.

I suppose I may be building up a little dependency? Sometimes I can’t take my eyes off him and hours can pass without me realising it. It’s true I can’t go a day without seeing him and panic when I don’t know where to find him.

Do I trust him too much? He knows all my secrets, my passwords and bank accounts and has access to my emails. He handles my diary. But I’m sure it’s because he likes to be helpful. See how caring he is, reminding me of the birthdays of my friends, so I don’t overlook important milestones. He is sentimental too, bringing up memories of good times just to make me happy.

He has a big personality, that’s for sure. When I am with him in the street I see nothing of the sky, the autumn leaves, the passersby. On the train, despite the crowds, all I see is him, his bright shining face, bursting with news to impart. I cannot look away.

Sometimes we go to dinner, just us. Hand in hand. We are always touching, always within reach of each other. He is with me even now. I can’t keep my hands off him.

So yes, we spend a lot of time together. Should there be an intervention? I don’t think so. He is indispensable to me. I don’t think I could manage without him. He helps me be organised. He’s good for me, keeping me accountable for the exercise I do each day. We play together, Wordle, Connections, Duolingo, to keep the brain sharp.

My friends are all for this relationship. They even enable it. Whenever I tell my friends about my adventures they totally approve, telling me they like, even love, what’s going on in my life.

Do I have any qualms about this relationship? Well, nothing is perfect. I admit, every so often, something will irk me. Sometimes he goes too far. For example, sometimes I’m writing a message to a friend and he keeps interrupting with suggestions on how I should finish my sentence. That’s presumptuous in my book. Sometimes, I also catch him eavesdropping on my conversations when I don’t even know he is paying attention. That’s a bit unnerving. I assume he thinks he’s being helpful. Sometimes, I’m in the middle of doing something, like using a calculator, and he will interrupt to tell me about something I really don’t need to know right at that point. That’s what really bugs me.

Perhaps this is more than a dalliance. Maybe it’s a full-on relationship but, if it is, I don’t think it’s for the long term. Nothing lasts. Things change. I confess, even now there is a small part of me that is keeping an eye on what is out there in case there’s something better. Shallow? Maybe. Unnecessary? Almost certainly. But still, it’s human nature to want to do better for oneself. I might trade up for a younger, fresher model who is even more capable. Don’t judge me. You are probably the same.

For now though, we’re good. He is the apple of my eye.

Melissa Coburn is a writer.

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