The choice of venue for this week's review perplexed me greatly. Where could I go that would be as far removed as possible from the high-falutin' fine-dining wankery of this week's cover story?

Somewhere small and ethnic in Clayton? A funky pop-up CBD laneway cafe specialising in Panamanian Hacienda La Esmeralda beans? An unsanded wooden shed in North Fitzroy that only makes a certain obscure peasant sandwich from the hills of Abruzzo - but still a sandwich that amazingly is filled with Mediterranean veg and a basil pesto, fetta and roast pumpkin, or prosciutto with loads of rocket? No, all too obvious.

Then, almost by accident, I find myself at Fairfield Boathouse. Well, actually, I find myself at the modern balcony of the Studley Park Boathouse, tucking into a breakfast of buttery scrambled eggs with snags and bacon, and a pot of weak plungered English breakfast tea when I get the call telling me that I am at the wrong boathouse. I actually should be a winding six-kilometre paddle, or five-minute drive, upstream. After some consideration, I drive.

Fairfield Boathouse is assuredly not a foodie location. Some may find it twee, almost to the point of theme-park quaintness, but I like the slavish attention to "historical" detail, from the blizzard of faux-antique painted advertising signs and old photos, to the endearingly daggy little muscat and chardonnay barrels on the bar.

The location is impeccable. Book a table along the veranda of the 1908 boathouse, or on the terraces down the steep banks to the Yarra, to take full advantage of the vista across the sluggish river, over stands of gum to a high footbridge.

It's all counter service, so go inside to order coffees, cakes and sugary drinks such as chocolate milkshakes, portello or lime spiders or banana flips. These are all sweet and generous, evoking sticky fingers from summers lost. While our expectations of a good coffee have lifted over the past 10 years, a lime spider is still a lime spider, and it's not improved by using a less-virulent coloured cordial or a homemade Madagascan vanilla pod ice-cream. So order such a classic here, or a strong pot of tea.

Outside, barbecues pump out alluring aromas, mainly from steaks and, during the morning, a constant torrent of Boatman's Breakfasts - two runny fried eggs cooked in egg rings, with a snag, mushroom, bacon and a half-tomato sprinkled with dried herbs. I doubt any of this comes from a trendy artisan producer. It's not that sort of a place.

It is the sort of professional place where great care is taken over the sprigs of curly parsley added to each plate. Where service - while canteen in style - can still be thoughtful. You've got to love the staff member who, after pulling three hot chocolates, discerns that they are for kids and offers a free jug of cold milk to cool them. Or the box of blankets supplied for cold knees on sunny winter days.

Pottering along the Yarra in a skiff for an hour (from $20) is an essential part of breakfast here, as is the very laidback and trusting Aussie "pay your money and help yourself" boat hire.