Kellie Finlayson answers questions about raising daughter Sophia while battling stage 4 cancer

Parenting is a major challenge at the best of times, let alone when you’re battling stage 4 cancer. Kellie Finlayson addresses some of the toughest questions she’s confronted with.

It’s about time I attempt to answer the overwhelming amount of questions I get about parenting with cancer, in an effort to ease the mind of someone in a similar position.

Now while this is going to be heavily relevant to the primary parent, I assure you it will have a few tips and tricks for those around them to alleviate some of the emotional and mental ‘guilt’.

Personally, I’m navigating parenthood with a toddler who, though unable to grasp the complexities of cancer, senses changes in routine, mood, and physical appearance.

Many wonder if I openly discuss my cancer with her.

While age-appropriate, honest communication is vital, for now, we refer to it as “owwies”.

My port-a-cath is termed as such, as it’s tangible for her, helping her understand that when I undergo treatment, I may feel unwell.

This leads me to the overwhelming guilt I often experience, particularly during active treatment.

Kellie Finlayson receiving treatment in hospital, with daughter Sophia. Picture: Supplied

Balancing parenting demands with the physical and emotional toll of cancer is incredibly challenging.

I pride myself on maintaining Sophia’s sense of normalcy while quite literally fighting for my life most days.

Being immunocompromised is daunting, the nurses make sure we are aware of the increased risks if we are exposed to illness, and initially I admit I was hyper-aware of every situation, which left not just myself but my family isolated a lot of the time.

It was a case of – if I contracted an illness that wasn’t chemo related, I wouldn’t be able to continue with treatment, which in my first diagnosis felt like the end of the world, well certainly the end of my life anyway.

After my first relapse I had to force myself to relax with this, being unable to give Soph a sibling, it was super important for me to have her stay in daycare with her friends a couple days a week, as well as her extra curricular activities, despite the increased risks that I knew came with this.

She is a social butterfly, and it feels selfish to dull her shine or take away opportunities out of fear, which reflects my mindset towards this disease completely.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a superhuman. Though Sophia isn’t missing out, it does mean that I have to lean on the support of family and friends a lot, whom I will be forever grateful for, particularly my mum, who initially quit her job to become Soph’s mum and my full-time

carer, but more recently travels fortnightly to help in the weeks that I simply can’t parent.

This is especially helpful for those appointments that you get less than 24 hours notice for, because when your specialist says they have an appointment, you’ll be there and the logistics

of dropping everything goes against my intensions of keeping Soph’s life normal.

Another question that often comes up is whether I have started creating keepsakes, particularly for different milestones of Sophia’s life.

I can honestly say, no, I haven’t even considered it. I am extremely confident in my ability to live a really long life, which means I’ll be right beside her at these milestones, writing in the card the night prior to her birthdays, holding her hand on her first day of school and doing up the clasp of the necklace I lend her as her ‘something borrowed’ on her wedding day.

My mind is an incredibly powerful tool, and I believe that the moment I give into the idea of not being here, is the moment that the disease will overcome me.

At the moment I am in control of the seemingly uncontrollable. It’s not something I will give much thought to until I’m told otherwise.

I’ll squeeze in another question from quite recently that really hit me in the feels.

Kellie Finlayson (right) does the Sh!t Talkers podcast with Jordan Lambropoulos and Sophie Edwards. Picture: Ben Clark

It addressed whether I would feel uncomfortable extending our family knowing not only that I am clearly unwell, but that some days I don’t have the energy to parent one child, how would I cope with more?

This really made me sit back and think in depth. Admittedly we have been gunning for another baby, we have been delving into every possible avenue available, and not once did I question whether extending our family would be considered selfish.

However, I now understand how that could be perceived, and I can see how the person that asked the question would also be silently panicked to extend their own family while living with stage 4 cancer.

There are so many unknowns, and there will never be a right or wrong answer when it comes to starting or extended a family. But personally I believe that giving Sophia a sibling, regardless of whether I’m in their life for a long, or short time, would be the most selfless thing I could ever do, and I’ll stand by that confidently.

If you’re interested in this type of content and would like the additional perception from a

mum with a pre-teen, you can listen to episode 12 on my podcast Sh*t Talkers

@shttalkerspod wherever you get your podcasts!

Originally published as Kellie Finlayson answers questions about raising daughter Sophia while battling stage 4 cancer