Tom Minear: Party planning tips for Anthony Albanese’s White House dinner

Now Joe Biden’s state dinner for Anthony Albanese is locked in, Tom Minear has some ideas: Kylie Minogue can sing, Gatorade to drink, and no Kyle Sandilands.

When Joe Biden asked Anthony Albanese over for dinner, it was the classic pity invite.

The President was cancelling his trip to Australia, days before he was due to arrive, and needed a way to apologise to the PM. How about a state visit?

Albanese wasn’t too proud to accept. He loves a freebie, and in political terms, a state dinner invitation is like a ticket to the Met Gala.

So their staffers set about finding a date, in between Albanese needing time to reboot the Voice referendum but not so much time that he completely wrecks it, and Biden’s summer holidays to keep his 80-year-old mind fresh.

The state dinner was a classic pity invite but Anthony Albanese wasn’t too proud to accept. Picture: Brendan Smialowski (AFP)

Last week, they locked in October 25. But there are more tough decisions to be made.

First is the guest list. If Albanese learns anything from Scott Morrison’s state dinner with Donald Trump – when, despite his denials, he invited controversial Hillsong founder Brian Houston – then he should leave his dodgy mates at home. That means no Kyle Sandilands.

The PM’s son would fit right in, given he’s used to mixing with the political elite with his free pass to the Qantas Chairman’s Lounge. The President’s son Hunter happily hobnobbed at the last state dinner, despite the presence of Republicans who want him in jail and the Attorney General overseeing his prosecution. His father should cross him off but he won’t.

Hunter Biden should stay home but his father will probably invite him anyway. Picture: Stefani Reynolds (AFP)

“No one f***s with a Biden,” as the President proclaimed last year.

Next is the menu. Biden might have removed Trump’s Diet Coke button from the Oval Office, but according to his aides, he eats “like a child”. Pasta, pizza and peanut butter and jam sandwiches are his preferences – as well as his favourite food of ice cream – despite his wife’s efforts to encourage him to eat fish and vegetables.

Joe Biden’s childlike diet isn’t a great match for Anthony Albanese’s health kick. Picture: Saul Loeb (AFP)

This might be a problem for Albanese, who cut out the carbs in his pre-election glow-up. He also gave up alcohol, so at least the teetotaller Biden can serve his orange Gatorade.

What about entertainment? The musical acts at Biden’s three state dinners so far have been bland, especially compared to Barack Obama’s live list featuring Beyonce, John Legend and Gwen Stefani. Even Xi Jinping was treated to Ne-Yo, who it turns out is part Chinese.

Maybe Kylie Minogue could perform. Padam Padam has been the song of the US summer, with even VP Kamala Harris bopping along. Otherwise, Biden might be stuck with DJ Albo.

Originally published as Tom Minear: Party planning tips for Anthony Albanese’s White House dinner