Kerry Parnell: Why I will never become a multi-billionaire

Being a tight-arse has to be one of the least attractive personality traits ever – and it’s made even worse when said person is minted, writes Kerry Parnell.

Is there anything worse than a tight-arse? It has to be one of the least attractive personality traits ever – and it’s made even worse when said person is minted.

My favourite story of the week is the furious seller who was persuaded to knock $US6m off his mansion for a mystery buyer, only to discover, after the deal was done, it was Jeff Bezos – aka the second-richest man in the world. He is now suing the estate agent who withheld that little titbit of info.

Can you imagine how galling that would feel?

Now, admittedly, it’s hard to feel too sorry for the seller, Leo Kryss, who is a tycoon himself and was offloading his $US85m mansion on Miami’s Indian Creek Island, which is known as “Billionaire Bunker”.

Considering he bought the seven-bed house for $28m in 2014, he still enjoyed a tidy profit of $51m, even at the reduced price, so one imagines he could mop up his disappointment with gold-leaf tissues, if he wanted.

Amazon executive chairman Jeff Bezos and girlfriend, actor Lauren Sanchez. Picture: Michael Tran/AFP

Nevertheless, it’s the principle of the thing and Kryss alleges realtor Douglas Elliman told him the buyer was not the Amazon boss – who had just purchased the neighbouring property for $68m – and $79m was the absolute final offer.

“It was highly material to his negotiations and his decision on the ultimate sales price to know whether Bezos was attempting to anonymously acquire the home in order to assemble it with the adjoining property,” the court filing states.

You would imagine Messers Moneybags could simply pay the asking price. Picture: iStock

While I can imagine many people’s eyes must light up with dollar signs when they know a billionaire is interested in buying their home, the solution to that problem would be for Messers Moneybags to pay the asking price.

If I ever become a multi-millionaire, I will be sure to follow through with this strategy.

But then I’m never going to be a multi-millionaire, because every time I sell anything online, whether it’s $20 or $2, I always agree to someone’s slightly lower bid – why do people do that ludicrous, “Will you take $1.50”, thing anyway. Meanwhile, I pay full price when I buy something. You’d think I’d learn, but no.

In my experience, those with the most cash are often the least likely to splash it.

I sold a set of dining room chairs once on Face-book Marketplace for $100, only for the buyer to knock me down by $20, to which I agreed, thinking that $20 might make a difference to her family.

What a fool. When the woman arrived, she’d just picked her kids up from an expensive private school and reversed her giant SUV onto my drive, gleefully loading the bargain-of-the-century chairs into her trunk.

Then came the punchline. “These will be great for my holiday home,” she told me, adding I should let her know if I had anything else to sell.

“Not bloody likely, lady”, I thought, before returning to my tiny, chairless home where I spent the evening silently fuming and re-evaluating my life choices.

I often wonder how she spent my $20. Probably on Amazon.

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Originally published as Kerry Parnell: Why I will never become a multi-billionaire