‘I swore I’d never’: Matty J on the one thing he thought he would never do as a dad
From delivering babies in cars to becoming primary carers and dressing up in tutus, these beloved Aussie stars are redefining what it means to be a dad.
From delivering babies in cars to becoming primary carers and dressing up in tutus, these beloved Aussie stars are redefining what it means to be a dad, revealing the hilarious, heartwarming and sometimes chaotic reality of modern fatherhood.
MATTY JOHNSON, 38, PODCASTER/MEDIA PERSONALITY, BONDI
Daughters Marlie, 6, and Lola, 4, and another on the way with wife Laura Byrne
What does it mean to be a dad today?
For me, being a dad today means being all in. It’s not just about working hard and showing up for the milestones, it’s about being there for the little moments too. The school drop-offs, the chaotic dinners and bedtime stories. I think dads are expected to be hands-on now, and honestly, I wouldn’t have it any other way.
What is your most memorable dad moment? Without a doubt, it’s the moment of childbirth. Watching the person you love bring your child into the world is honestly almost impossible to put into words. It’s raw, it’s overwhelming, and it completely shifts the way you see your partner, the strength and love in that moment is unlike anything else. Everything that’s come after has been incredible, but nothing will ever top that feeling of seeing our baby for the very first time.
What’s something you thought you’d never do as a dad but now you do? I swore I’d never be a co-sleeping dad. I always thought the kids would sleep in their own beds and we’d keep ours as a sacred, kid-free zone. But it’s so hard to say no to those little cuddles when they climb in, there’s something so special about all of us squished together. That said, with bub number three on the way, we’re trying to break the habit (sorry, Laura, I know I’m the weak link here).
What surprises you about being a dad? I wasn’t prepared for how tough the newborn trenches would be. Everyone tells you it’s hard, but it’s one of those things you can’t fully grasp until you’re in the thick of it. The sleepless nights, the constant feeding (Lola was on a bottle very early), the complete blur of days blending into nights. It’s exhausting in a way that no amount of advice or preparation can cover. But at the same time, those moments when you’re holding this tiny little human in your arms and you get a little smile are some of the most special you’ll ever have.
What stereotypes still exist about dads that are outdated? That we’re just around for the fun stuff, kicking the footy, piggyback rides, babycino runs while mums do the “serious” parenting. The reality is, in our household, we’re equally part of the tears, tantrums, and 2am wake-ups.
Are you the dad you thought you’d be? I’m not really sure, to be honest. One of the strange things about becoming a parent is that you so quickly forget what life was even like before kids. It feels like I’ve always been “Dad”. The one thing I do remember is that I just wanted my kids to love me. And judging by the cuddles (and occasional meltdowns when I leave the room), I think that’s the case!
What’s something about fatherhood you want more people to talk about? How isolating it can feel at times. Mum groups are amazing, but dad groups are still a bit rare. Sometimes you just want to chat with another dad about how incredibly tough, relentless and exhausting parenting can be. It’s why I started a parenting podcast, Two Doting Dads, with my friend Ash Wicks.
What’s a hilarious thing your child has done or said? One that still makes me laugh is our two-year-old daughter ran into the room one day yelling, “Buster is f--king!” at the top of her lungs. Naturally, I did a double-take. I was horrified by the language she was using! I was also very concerned about my dog’s behaviour. Then I realised, after hearing it for the fourth time, that she was actually trying to say, “Buster is barking.”
What barriers still exist for dads? I think one of the biggest barriers is the stigma that if a dad steps back from his career to be more hands-on at home, it somehow makes him less ambitious or even less masculine. Which is ridiculous. There’s nothing more “manly” than rolling up your sleeves and being fully present for your kids. But I do think there’s still that old-school mindset lingering that men should be in the office, not at home leading the charge with parenting. The truth is, being a primary carer requires more grit, patience and resilience than most jobs I’ve ever had. We need to change the narrative so dads feel proud, not judged, for taking on that role.
How do you think the role of fatherhood has changed? It’s less about being the provider and more about being the partner. Our generation of dads are breaking the mould, we’re showing up emotionally, not just financially.
What kind of role model do you want to be? I want my kids to know that love isn’t about grand gestures, it’s about consistency. I want them to see that being a man means being kind, supportive and, yes, sometimes wearing a tutu because your daughter insists you’re in her dance recital.
Most embarrassing dad moment? When I was about 12, my older sister dressed me up as a girl, full wig, make-up, rolled-up socks for boobs, crop top, the works. There’s a very incriminating photo of me striking a pose that, unfortunately, still exists. Fast forward to recently:a tradie was at our place and, without me knowing, my daughter proudly handed him that exact photo and said, “This is my daddy.”
How do you and your partner share parenting and household responsibilities? We really try to focus on equality. Laura isn’t “default parent” just because she’s mum. We both cook, we both clean, we both do bedtime and we both have careers we’re really proud of. What I really love is that it’s fluid, we’re constantly shifting and adjusting depending on who’s got more on their plate at any given time. We’re forever figuring out the best way to balance it together.
What surprised you about the mental and emotional load of parenting? I was surprised by how much parenting is a constant emotional rollercoaster. One minute you’re having this heart-melting, tender moment where your child tells you they love you, and you think, this is what life’s all about. Then, two seconds later, they’re on the floor having a level 10 meltdown because you picked the wrong colour socks. It’s wild how quickly you can swing from pure joy to complete chaos.
MATT OKINE, 40, COMEDIAN, WEST END
Daughter Sofia, 6, with partner Belinda Rabe
What does it mean to be a dad?
Being a dad means never having to set an alarm clock because you’ve created a small human that does that job for you. Every. Day.
What is your most memorable dad moment?
I remember spending an entire day trying to get my daughter to take a bottle. I had breast milk, formula, and a mix of both. We went to parks, cafes, car parks. I had six different bottles and seven different teats. My daughter refused every single one. I think I lost most of my hair that day.
What’s something you never thought you would find yourself doing as a dad? Let them win. You realise very quickly that it’s better to avoid a meltdown than to flex your board gaming dominance.
What surprises you about being a dad? How much a child can eat! Seriously they are a black hole for snacks. My daughter can often pocket twice the amount of food that I can and she’s half my size.
What outdated stereotypes still exist about dads? That the moment you become a dad you suddenly know how to mow the lawn and fix things with your hands. I am not handy! My partner, Belinda, is way smarter with all that stuff than me.
Are you the dad you thought you’d be? I just try to be the best dad I can be. My mum died when I was 12 so I’m very conscious that every moment counts, so I try to be around as much as I can.
What’s something about fatherhood you want more people to talk about?
School expectations! I swear, every second day there’s some event at the school that parents are asked to attend. I think I’m going to school more than my daughter. We no longer live in a society where Dad goes to work and Mum stays home and so therefore can attend the endless events that parents are expected to attend at school so workplaces need to get the memo and let parents duck out whenever we need.
What’s a hilarious thing your child has done or said? My daughter didn’t really understand the concept of being a comedian so she told everyone in her class that her dad was a joker. I mean, she’s not wrong.
Most embarrassing or surprising dad moment? I never thought I would be invested in watching a grade One cross country but when I tell you my heart was beating out of my chest when that starting whistle blew, you’d better believe me.
How do you and your partner share parenting and household responsibilities? Belinda does most of the cleaning. I do most of the cooking. Belinda does most of the bed times. I do most of the drop-off hand pick-ups. But there are periods where I have to go away for work, and when that happens Belinda has to do everything. So that’s tough on her but she does an incredible job. Massive shout out to Belinda!
What surprised you about the mental and emotional load of parenting? Parenting is a full-time job. And on top of this new full-time job you still have to do your actual full-time job. So you’re working all the time. And the moments of rest are offset by the looming knowledge that your new boss (aka your child) is only moments away from putting more work on your desk!
How do you think the role of fatherhood has changed? I think dads are trying to be present in every facet of parenting these days. Look at childbirth … back in the day, the mum would go into labour and the dad would go to the pub! As sweet a deal as that sounds, I’m grateful that dads are expected to be an active part of their child’s lives now.
What kind of role model do you want to be? If we get to grade Seven and Sofia still wants me to walk her to the school gates, I’ll be happy! But I’m not holding my breath.
SAM MAC, 42, TV PERSONALITY, SYDNEY
Daughters Margot, almost 3, and Mabel, 1, with fiancee Rebecca James
What does it mean to be a dad?
Being a dad means life is not about me anymore! Life is about doing everything I can to give our girls the best start in life. That includes looking after my fiancee Rebecca so our family unit is always surrounded by love and support. Being a dad means the last thing I think about at night and the first thing I think about in the morning is what my family needs that day – closely followed by the weather forecast, which is also very important.
Most memorable dad moment? The moment my two girls met. Sisters. Margot was almost two, and Mabel was only one day old. That moment on the hospital bed is ingrained in my mind. It was quite overwhelming – I could feel the magnitude of it at the time. Seeing their eyes lock on each other and their little hands touching was something I’ll never forget. But Margot was a toddler, so the mood changed when she was insistent on touching Mabel’s eyeballs! A sign of things to come, perhaps?
How has the role of fatherhood changed? I don’t think it’s necessarily that dads need to do more these days, I think we want to do more. The older generation of dads would brag about never changing a nappy. I think that’s lame, and not a brag at all. Modern dads want to be involved in every part of their child’s life, even the crappy parts (pun intended). The more time you can put into your children, the more magic you’ll get in return.
How did your relationship with your children and partner change after becoming primary carer? I felt so much closer to my girls while I was on Dad Leave. I was more in tune with what they wanted or didn’t want. We found our own little rhythm and would laugh a lot, even on the tough days. It did come at a cost though, I found my first grey hair, I went days without showering, and for the first time in my life I started drinking coffee (it was that or wine). Most importantly, it gave me a better understanding of how big the job is for my fiancee while I’m on the road with work. It’s relentless! Having a new appreciation for all that she does for our family has really helped both of us. I’ve learned to never walk in the door and tell her how tired I am ever again.
DELOUISE HOETER, 31, BRONCOS PLAYER, BRISBANE
Neeko, 10, and Irie, 8, with partner Jaya Callinan
What does it mean to be a dad? When Irie was born in the car in Townsville. I was on my way to the hospital and Neeko (my eldest daughter) was in the back of the car and my partner (Jaya Callinan) was in the front. The contractions got a lot more severe on the 15-20 minutes drive to the hospital. When I pulled up, I went to call the security guard to open the door because it was about 3am or 4am. By the time I rang the bell and I turned around, my partner was alerting me that she wanted me to come back. So I ran back and sort of delivered my baby. I had to grab her myself out of the car and hold her in my arms for the first time until the nurses came. I had no idea any of this was going to happen … I was wearing a white shirt. Then they took my partner and my youngest up to the ward while I had Neeko in the back of the car. So I tried to console her, make sure that she was okay before were grouped. There’s a lot of memorable moments but that’s probably the one that stands out to me.
What’s something you thought you’d never do as a dad but now you do? I swore that I’d be this dad that just says yes and gives them everything. Now that I’m a dad that’s actually not the right thing to do for kids. So I try and make it a good balance that they get what they need, also sometimes what they want, and then still try to teach them some lessons.
What surprises you about being a dad? The lessons that the girls can teach me just by simple things they say or do. I think that’s one that always surprises me, whether it’s something that my daughter would say that makes me really think “oh, that’s right”. It is as simple as just doing that or seeing something so simply. It’s the lessons that you can learn from them at such a young age.
What outdated stereotypes still exist about dads? There are times when you hear that dads are always at work. Yeah, we are at work, but I think when we have that time, we just cherish the moments that we do have with them and really appreciate them. I don’t know if that is a stereotype that “dad are always at work” and they don’t really have that time. I think whenever we do speak about it, we do really try and use our time wisely when we are with our family because we have such a big group of boys that do have kids.
Are you the dad you thought you’d be? I never really had that thought. Being in a Polynesian household, there were always kids around with whatever we were doing. When I was a teenager, we had to make sure that the young kids were behaving. So I was always around young kids and I knew I’d be a dad, but I never really had that perspective of like, “Okay, this is the type of dad I want to be.”
What’s something about fatherhood you want more people to talk about? The thing that I would love for people to speak more about is how big of an impact fathers have on their kids. I saw that at the school I used to work at. Not just a father but a mother as well, when they’re not present, it is quite a tough thing for a kid to deal with. They may not say it, but then their behaviours and actions sort of prove that they are struggling, even though they can’t say these things to adults. I think understanding how big of an impact a male role model and a father can have on a child is massive.
What’s a hilarious thing your child has done or said? My youngest daughter always calls me a “Big back”. For those who don’t know, “Big back” is someone who loves to eat. But it’s funny because she’s the one whenever I say, “Oh, you know, what do you feel like eating?” She’s like, “KFC”.
How do you and your partner share parenting and household responsibilities? Jaya does a lot of the cleaning and I do pretty much all the cooking in our household. We balance pick-up and drop-off. I do a lot of the lunches and breakfasts at home and school lunches as well. So, I feel like we end up pretty well 50/50 but we don’t really take count.
What barriers still exist for dads wanting to take time off to be primary carer? It’s quite even when you consider how much time we do have off. We get two weeks off during Christmas, and six-plus weeks off at the end of the year. It can be tough, but I feel like it balances it out for us to be able to spend a lot of time with the kids. During the season, it is pretty tough, but I feel like during the off season it evens it out for us. For me, I try and do everything when I’m on the off season.
What kind of role model do you want to be? I try to take the mould of my dad and how he was to me. He’s very patient, very calm, very articulate when he spoke to us about why he was disappointed or angry. I try to do the same thing for my daughters. I feel like if I do the same thing that my dad did for us, then that will be a really good step to help my kids be the best that they can be.
CAMERON MCEVOY, 31, CHAMPION SWIMMER, BRISBANE
Hartley, eight weeks, with wife Madeline McEvoy
What does it mean to be a dad? It’s both the most surreal and natural next stage of my life all at the same time. I get to revisit the world again through the eyes of my son and also be a part of the one thing that all life across all of time have in common. Every level of my being has anticipated this. It truly is special.
What is your most memorable dad moment so far? It has only been a couple months now but for me the one thing that has been branded onto my soul like a hot iron so far is his first smile.
What has surprised you the most about becoming a dad? The depth of resiliency and strength that my wife has. A literal superwoman.
What has been the biggest adjustment? Right now it’s been the sleep schedule and the feeling of each day being like groundhog day. I know this will pass in time but for now this has been a lot to adjust to. Especially since I have spent such a long period of time with my job needing to be so optimised for recovery and high performance. It’s a stark contrast to this and one that is teaching me a lot.
How do you think the role of fatherhood has changed? At a deep structure level fatherhood is no different now to what it was at any time in the past. The differences lay on the surface and are a representation of our biopsychology being adapted in lock-step to the ever changing cultural and environmental Zeitgeists across time. The key lays within understanding your moment in time while not mistaking the forest for the trees and losing sight on the deeply held dynamics of the father-child relationship that have been embedded within our genome and psychology for countless generations. In other words, we as fathers need to be conscious and active in our role with our kids, but we have a wide way of being able to express this in today’s age.
What’s the best parenting advice you received before becoming a dad? The best parenting advice I received is that kids are born full of potential and that it is my duty to do whatever is necessary to give him the strength, resiliency and confidence to face the full force of his potential head on with unwavering courage, whatever that may end up being.
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Originally published as ‘I swore I’d never’: Matty J on the one thing he thought he would never do as a dad
