We let our tweens choose their own high school; it was the best decision

"Treating them with respect and allowing them to make decisions for themselves is all part of growing up," the mum explains.

Our kids didn’t get to choose their primary school but we felt it was important to give them a say when it came to choosing their high school. 

When we moved to Australia from the UK over eight years ago, my husband and I did lots of school tours. As our kids were two, four and four at the time, we didn’t take them along with us.

We chose the school that felt like the best fit for them. It had a daycare, kindy, primary and high school on the one site so felt like it would see us through all of the phases of their education.

Fast forward a few years and our kids absolutely loved the school.

They had lots of friends and it never occurred to us that we might choose a different high school when the time came.

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We felt it was important to give them a say. Source: Supplied

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Going with the flow isn’t always the right option

When our twin boys started year six, it suddenly hit me that we were ambling along assuming they’d stay at the same school for high school. It was the easy and convenient option. It was what we knew.

Life isn’t just about choosing the easy path all the time though.

I think it’s always important to question things and to consider your choices carefully.

Sometimes easy and convenient isn’t the best fit but comfort has a way of stopping you from growing and trying new things.

I wanted our boys to understand they had options. High school is a big, important phase in their lives, and I wanted them to think about the direction they were taking.

Ultimately, I wanted them to look at their choices and make their own informed decision rather than just going with the flow.

Sometimes the easy option isn't always best. Source: Supplied

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Using it as a learning experience

Our boys weren’t impressed. They hated the idea of looking at other schools.

They wanted to stay at their school with all of their friends, but reluctantly they agreed to look around (without any pressure) and consider the opportunities.

We went and viewed two other schools, and we booked to go on the high school tour of their current school. Three felt like a good number to choose from.

Together, we considered:

• How easy would it be for us to get to the school?
• What specialist subjects were taught there?
• What were the facilities like?
• What vibe did we get from the school?
• What extra-curricular activities were available?

And so much more.

After the tours, we talked over dinner about what we liked and didn’t like about each school and how we felt about it. The boys needed a space to talk openly and consider how their lives might look if they chose a new school.

After all of that, it turned out that their current school was the best fit for them academically by a long way.

Viewing the other schools really helped us all to see that they were already in the right place.

There is nothing quite like making a decision when you know you’ve fully explored all that is available and having full confidence in your choice.

Letting the kids view a range of schools allowed them this sense of certainty about their future.

It wasn’t just about the school facilities though. We knew even if one of the other schools offered better academic or extra-curricular opportunities, it likely wouldn’t have been enough to persuade them to want to leave their friends, teachers and the school community they loved so much.

And we were OK with that. I had the best group of friends through my own high school years, and we’re still great friends now in our 40s.

I would never underestimate the importance of solid friendships as school is as much a social experience as it is a learning one. Kids thrive when they’re happy, and they’re happy when they have friends and feel supported.

Allowing our kids to choose their high school was important to us. If another school had offered them better opportunities, we’d have talked about it and used it as a learning experience so they could develop their decision-making skills to work out what aspects of school life were more important to them.

There are learning opportunities in everything we do

At almost 12, our kids were young adults.

Treating them with respect and allowing them to make decisions for themselves is all part of growing up.

We just gave them the opportunity and encouragement to weigh up their options and to be heard.

Who knew choosing a high school could become such a valuable learning experience?

Originally published as We let our tweens choose their own high school; it was the best decision