We had triplets but only two had heartbeats. When Louis came, it was silent

"The day they were born is probably the happiest and the saddest of my life," Sydney dad Julian tells Kidspot. Please note: This story contains discussions of infant loss. 

Looking back, first-time Sydney dad Julian, 42, says out of all his triplets, Louis was the most active.

“He was my little squiggly jelly bean, I’d poke him in his mum’s tummy and he’d wriggle around – he was the one that moved the most,” recalls Julian.

Want to join the family? Sign up to our Kidspot newsletter for more stories like this. 

"There was a silence." Image: Supplied

RELATED: 'They must have pumped smoke into the delivery room'

One of their triplets had no heartbeat

But then, mum Catherine went in for her 30-week scan and discovered baby Louis had no heartbeat.

Unable to be there to comfort his partner due to COVID restrictions, Julian found out via video call that baby Louis had died.

“I was completely and utterly devastated,” he says. “It was frustrating, as there is always the dialogue that the father should be an equal partner – to be there for every step of the journey.”

Medical professionals told the grieving couple that there had been a fetal-maternal hemorrhage.

Louis had lost his blood supply. After conversations with medical professionals, they weighed up the risks of early delivery or Catherine remaining pregnant, deciding the safer option was for Catherine to carry Louis alongside his brothers.

Julian says those first few days and weeks after were tough, but nothing compared to what lay ahead. “I had to steel myself in preparation for the delivery,” he says. “There was also paperwork and preparations to be made.”

A few weeks later, Catherine was admitted to hospital, with signs of preeclampsia. Doctors wanted to keep an eye on the progress of the pregnancy.

“Doctors were doing a little bit of prodding and poking, and the next morning Catherine’s waters broke,” he says.

Two days later, she went into active labour at 34 weeks. “The doctor practically patted Theodore (Teddy) the firstborn on his head, he was definitely coming,” says Julian.

Baby Louis followed, and there was silence in the room.

Then Oscar the last triplet let out a cry as he made his way into the world. “Catherine said when Louis was born it was between his two brothers, as a sign of solidarity,” comments Julian.

A midwife from the multiple birth association stepped in to take Louis immediately for a brief time to prepare him to meet his parents.

“She was a familiar face so that made it a bit easier,” says Julian. Minutes later, he got his first look at his son. “

Louis looked beautiful and so peaceful,” he says.

There was a bittersweet feeling in the delivery room. Image: Supplied

RELATED: My biological parents left me with soiled nappies

Catherine had emergency surgery

While the boys were delivered, another crisis was unfolding. Catherine was going in and out of consciousness – she was losing blood. “She was in surgery for a while – they had to stabilise her,” says Julian.

Teddy and Oscar were whisked off to the NICU.

“I went down there and was booted out because I hadn’t had a COVID test even though I asked so many times if I needed to,” says Julian. “Then I had to isolate until the results came back – it was all so surreal.”

With Catherine still in surgery, Julian went to see Louis. Julian says having that special time with his beautiful baby did help him through the grief of losing him. “It was so peaceful and heartbreaking at the same time,” he says.

Due to surgical complications, Catherine didn’t get a further chance to see or hold Louis.

“It’s something she will always regret,” says Julian.

Doctors needed to give Catherine more blood the following day, due to massive blood loss.

“She’s a pretty tough little cookie – she casually called me to say it had been a medical emergency. We live right near the hospital, I was in the car probably doing slightly more than the speed limit racing over there,” says Julian.

The boys were born on December 12, and on January 4, they were able to go home. As the days and weeks followed, Julian found himself immersed in the grief of losing his son.

“It was a roller coaster,” he says. “The day the triplets were born is probably the happiest and the saddest of my life – it’s bittersweet.”

The family. Image: Supplied

Grief and honouring their boy

At Louis’s funeral, they released butterflies, watching them soar upwards was a beautiful sight. “Now when we see a butterfly, we tell the boys that reminds us of Louis,” comments Julian.

Julian and Catherine both feel strongly that baby Louis will be remembered – he is still part of their family. “We want to talk about him, we want his brothers to understand that,” he says. “We say goodnight to Louis every night.”

Teddy and Oscar are now 15-months-old. Julian says, looking back when they were just two days old, one nurse in NICU got a pretty good read on them.

“This one is pretty chilled (she was talking about Teddy we didn’t have names for them yet), and the other one, he’s going to be a little firecracker,” he says. 

These days they are both full of life and mischief. “They’re almost toddling around and into everything,” says Julian. “They love to eat the dirt in the pot plant and give the TV screen a punch every now and then.”

These days when Julian takes the boys for a walk in the pram people will often stop and say, “twins?” Julian lets them know they are triplets. “People often shut down completely, they don’t want to talk, some say they are sorry to hear that,” he says.

The love and support the couple share is what pulled them through the darkest of days. “We were really committed to being there for each other,” he says.

Their journey through grief has brought the couple even closer together. “It definitely has in some ways,” says Julian.

Say Their Name Day which on March 25, is to raise awareness of pregnancy, infant and child loss and raise much-needed funds to support bereaved families. It can be found at saytheirname.org.au.

Red Nose Grief and Loss Support Line can be reached 24/7 on 1300 308 307.

Originally published as We had triplets but only two had heartbeats. When Louis came, it was silent