‘My wife wants to leave our baby to go to Europe for a month'

“I told her that priorities have changed and she cannot expect to have a single life back.”

Parenthood is an incredible journey filled with joy, challenges, and moments of self-discovery.

However, what happens when the desire for personal identity clashes with the responsibilities of raising a child? 

A husband and father took to the internet to get advice on a current crossroads he has found himself at. Namely, that his wife wants to go on a month-long European vacation without him or their daughter - a premise he isn't too keen on at all. 

The dilemma.

“My wife (30F) and I (32M) have been together for 4 years, and currently have a 16 month old daughter,” he shared.

“We both split work 50:50, and despite this, I acknowledge how it is more physically challenging for her with the postpartum phase and constant (regressive now) breastfeeding (our daughter cluster feeds and doesn't like the bottle very much so that's that).”

The wife's longing for a solo trip stemmed from a desire to reclaim her identity after 16 months of being a mum, coupled with the notion that she had "earned" it through childbirth.

“My wife and I have had a huge fight… She says that she is tired from feeling like a mom and wants to take a vacation for 4 weeks with her friend who is based in Europe,” he added. 

“Her reasoning for going for 4 weeks is that she gets to "earn" it after childbirth and 1.5 years of being a mom. She also says she has her own savings and how she always dreamt of exploring Europe so this is her chance and she wants her identity back.”

RELATED: I divorced my husband four days after our wedding

Burnt out or regretful life choice? Source: iStock

Clash of priorities

The husband, however, emphasised the changing priorities that come with parenthood, arguing that a month-long separation from their toddler was unrealistic. 

“I disagreed with her and told her that priorities are bound to change and she cannot expect to have a single life back.”

He proposed alternatives such as a weekend getaway or a spa day, but his wife remained steadfast in her desire for a more extended break. 

The disagreement escalated to a point where he questioned the sustainability of their relationship if a compromise could not be reached.

"I cannot fathom the idea of a mom wanting to be away from her toddler for nearly a month… I told her I cannot stay in a relationship with someone who cannot compromise with me on this," he confided.

The comments section exploded

Community members weighed in, expressing their views on the situation. One user, a stay-at-home mom, acknowledged the struggle of losing one's identity solely to motherhood but emphasised the need for compromise. 

The consensus was that a one-week getaway might be a more reasonable solution to address burnout and regain autonomy without burdening the partner left behind.

"She should stop breastfeeding… it sounds like she needs to have a little of her autonomy back," said one.

Delving deeper, commenters highlighted the underlying burnout and exhaustion experienced by the wife. 

Beyond the fixation on a European vacation, it became evident that the mother was grappling with the physical toll of pregnancy, extended breastfeeding, and the demands of a growing toddler. 

Suggestions were made to consider practical solutions like getting more help, starting the weaning process, and planning shorter trips for rejuvenation.

One commenter wrote, "Four weeks in Europe is just a fixation, not the real issue… it's probably time to make some quality of life decisions at home."

Another echoed by saying, "Woof it's not about Europe. It's about burnout… Even if she were to go, the stressors that drove her away would be waiting."

"I feel like the wife is exhausted and wants to cut back on the fatigue… no wonder this mom is exhausted," added a third.

RELATED: 5 ways to tackle mum burnout

“She’s a SAHM, you’re likely not capable of doing the 24/7 job she does." Source: iStock

Not all agreed 

However, not everyone believes the mum is only feeling exhaustion but another stronger emotion.

“I think she regrets having a kid,” declared one commenter.

“She may love her child, but she doesn’t enjoy parenting or being a parent. Lots of people feel this way but don’t openly discuss it since others shame them.”

Another supported the mum and wrote, “She can’t pour from an empty cup. If mom is the captain of the ship, let her take a real break and then come back ready to sail the ship again.”

Another commenter quickly jumped in to defend the mum, “Hire a freaking nanny so she can go and have the break she needs before she decides it’s you she needs a break from permanently.”

“She’s a SAHM, you’re likely not capable of doing the 24/7 job she does. There’s likely a huge imbalance in how much work she puts in compared to you as well.”

Originally published as ‘My wife wants to leave our baby to go to Europe for a month'