My MIL said she doesn't have an 'equal opportunity' to my mum to love my baby

"Postpartum is not the time to be tripping balls about who got to come over first, who got to hold the baby first."

The battle between the maternal and fraternal grandparents can feel like an episode from Game of Thrones. They will often compare how much time they get with their precious heir.  

But one mum this week wants to do something about it.

Bri Knight went viral with her post, offering her advice to a user who left a comment about her own MIL complaining she didn't have "equal opportunity" to love her grandchild, as the maternal grandmother was over so often.

"Can we please normalise your relationship with your parents being different than your relationship with your in-laws when it comes to postpartum?" Bri asked her followers.

"It doesn't need to be a competition. It doesn't need to be a war between your mother-in-law and your mum. It doesn't need to be who met the baby first. It doesn't need to be who's been given more time with the baby.

"Postpartum is about the new mum and her partner and everybody healing and bonding."

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"There is no such thing in early postpartum as equal opportunity. It is whatever the mum needs. And if the mum needs her mum there to help change her diaper, to help her figure out breastfeeding, to be with her to clean her house, to do her laundry, to do whatever fresh postpartum, that is very different than your mother-in-law coming over to hold the baby for most hours," she continued.

“It is normal and should be an understandable thing when a woman wants her mum there during labour and delivery or during birth, and she doesn't want her mother-in-law. That's normal.”

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"It's not the time to be tripping balls"

Knight then directed her thoughts towards mothers-in-law who make a new baby about themselves, asking them to redirect their priorities towards mum and baby. 

"You want to be a support person during early postpartum for a pregnant mum. You should be making sure her entire pregnancy that you're doing every single thing possible to support her," she said.

"The time does come for her to figure out who she wants to support her early postpartum. Your name is on the list. Postpartum is not the time to be tripping balls about who got to come over first, who got to hold the baby first, who got to spend the most time at the postpartum mum's house. It's not the time. It's the time to be quiet, be helpful where you can be, and not make somebody's postpartum about you."

The battle between the grandmothers continues. Source: TikTok

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"They can't comprehend that we need our mum"

Many daughter-in-laws were quick to share their postpartum experiences with their MILs.

"This!!! My MIL complains all the time my mum sees the baby too much. She's literally helping me and you come to just hold the baby," one wrote. 

"I'm struggling because my husband wants his mum at the hospital after we get moved from the delivery room, but I’m scared she will be overbearing," another shared.

A third added: "They can't comprehend that we need OUR mum. Not them. My mum knew she had to help me heal so I could bond with my baby. It’s like the in-laws can't remember when they were postpartum." 

Others wanted to share how a MIL relationship lands differently when you have a close bond with your mum. 

"The way I interact with my mum and my MIL will never be 'equal' because my mum is my mum. My MIL is not. Plain and simple, our relationships will never be equal because no one can compare to YOUR mum. Also, my MIL is rude and self-centred," one admitted. 

"I will always feel like I have to put on a show for my MIL. But not for my mum. I don’t feel bad if my mum comes over and does my laundry and sees my messy house. It's not true for my MIL. It’s so different."

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Originally published as My MIL said she doesn't have an 'equal opportunity' to my mum to love my baby