‘My fiance wants us to go ‘on a break’, but I’m 36 weeks pregnant’

“I am feeling increasingly more isolated and almost 'playing pretend' that it will all be fine when the baby is here.” 

It’s no secret that relationships are a lot of hard work, and without communication and understanding, cracks can start to show. 

Life for Indy* and her fiance, Ryan*, has been a bit awkward recently. They’ve spent three years together, and while they used to have the perfect relationship, things have started to change. 

Indy and Ryan are engaged and expecting their first child together; she is 36 weeks along, so it’s started to feel real, at last. 

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Indy was shocked when her fiance suggested they take a break. Picture: iStock

“He said he can't take all of the stress anymore”

Aside from the general anxiety associated with pregnancy, the couple has been facing serious issues with their neighbour, who has been “stalking” and harassing them incessantly. 

It’s reached a point where the couple had to contact the police to keep things from bubbling over, and the stress isn’t helping their relationship. 

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“In the past few months, this has intensified, and my partner has been trying to shoulder most of it so it doesn't cause any issues with myself or the baby,” Indy wrote on Mumsnet. “As we all know, excessive stress can be harmful for baby’s development.”

Speaking of the baby’s development, Indy couldn’t help but notice that her partner’s affection and attention towards her and the baby had started to dwindle in recent weeks, likely driven by their neighbour’s issues. 

“He is supportive of the pregnancy in so far as checking in with me regarding baby’s movements and how I'm feeling and attending appointments,” she explained. “However, anything else is non-existent.”

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The last four weeks had been extremely hard for Indy, who was trying to focus her energy on her pregnancy. Then, one day, Ryan sat her down and started to explain his feelings. 

“He sat me down [and] said he can't take all of the stress anymore,” Indy said, heartbroken. “He said he was aware that he had been distant and not there to support me when I needed it, and he had noticed that I had been feeling down and lonely, but he just couldn't give me what I was needing.”

Then he dropped a bombshell: “He said if I had not been so far along in pregnancy that I could have gone to stay with my family … while he tried to sort his head out and get back to being the person that I fell in love with.” 

This was “obviously” never going to work; not only did her family live more than two hours away, but she was also 36 weeks into her pregnancy. “I shouldn't have to leave my home for him to 'get better’,” she added. “But I can understand that he needs to make some sort of change to feel more mentally well.”

Following their awkward discussion, Ryan decided to move into the spare room and told his fiance he wasn’t sure if he wanted to be in a relationship with her anymore. “He wants to just see if he can 'get himself back' before the baby arrives because he wants to be the best dad he can be,” she said. 

To make matters worse, Ryan has started hanging out with a “new friend” every day after work - a female colleague. Each night, he‘d finish work, quickly have a shower and leave the house for hours. 

“I don't understand how he doesn't have the mental energy to put into our relationship, but he can go [to] all these nice places with this new person instead?” Indy asked. “He had asked me to not give up on him and assured me this person was just a friend.” The female colleague also assured her that she didn’t need to be worried about their “friendship”. 

Ryan constantly assured Indy he still loved her and was “positive about the future, and everything will settle when the baby gets here”, but Indy isn’t so sure about it. “I know babies rarely keep people together,” she said. “I am feeling increasingly more isolated and that I'm almost 'playing pretend' that it will all be fine when the baby is here.”

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“He can get in the bin”

The heartbreaking post resonated with a lot of mums online, who told Indy it was best if she realised she was likely being duped by Ryan. 

“Kick him out. He's having an affair, and you're about to have a baby,” a comment read. “You deserve better than this. I'm so sorry this is happening to you.”

A person added: “I think basically he's fallen for someone else but realises if he admits that, everyone will know he's a bastard.”

“He can get in the bin,” shared a third. “What a wanker,” chimed in another. 

Others labelled the dad-to-be a “disgrace” who should realise what a mistake he’s making. “He doesn't get to 'make a new female friend' and hang out with her all the time when you are 36 weeks pregnant,” a person wrote. 

“So you’re heavily pregnant, he's apparently stressed, and he sees this as a good time to start taking his new lady friend on dates every evening?” another wondered. 

One woman suggested Indy take time for herself. 

“Park all this relationship mess for now and just focus on the safe arrival of your baby first,” they said.

“Becoming a mum will be an eye opener anyway and probably clarify a lot of things for you, [including] what you need and what matters most to you.”

*Names have been changed

Originally published as ‘My fiance wants us to go ‘on a break’, but I’m 36 weeks pregnant’