I showed my friend her husband sent me sexual messages... and she dumped me

"I had paper proof of his cheating, but my friend didn't believe me and then completely cut me out of her life," *Sarah tells Kidspot.

When *Sarah received a sexually explicit message from her friend's husband, she immediately showed her own husband. 

"He actually started messaging me asking about sexual things I liked to do with my husband, and if we could talk about them in private and never tell [his wife] or my husband," she tells Kidspot.

This wasn't the first time she had heard of this guy's infidelity. In fact, he had sent similar messages to one of her friends previously.

"He contacted my friend and started being inappropriate to her, telling her how sexy she was and how he wanted to do sexual things with her in certain places."

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Sarah told her friend her husband was cheating and she didn't believe her. Image: olaser/iStock

"I knew this could break her"

The *NSW woman thought his wife, a woman she had been friends with since high school, deserved to know the truth... but the timing wasn't right. 

"They had only just had a baby a few months earlier and my friend was a very gentle, kind, soft soul with anxiety. I knew this could break her and the timing wasn't right then and there."

So she waited. 

When she eventually told her, the reaction was one of disbelief—despite Sarah having printed proof and knowing her friend previously suspected her husband of cheating. 

"She didn't want to believe me and told me she didn't... I then showed her everything and she just went quiet," Sarah says. 

"It got very awkward."

The woman then completely cut off communication with Sarah. 

"She then stopped answering all my messages and phone calls, and gave me very closed or one-word responses to any of my communication attempts."

The woman's husband even fabricated a story Sarah was hitting on him. 

"I just think he was trying to gaslight her."

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"I knew things would never be the same again"

It was obvious to Sarah the whole ordeal left her friend embarrassed and heartbroken, and all she wanted to do was love and support her at this difficult time, but that wasn't possible. 

"She was very much in love with this man and settled into the role of being his wife to please him."

While Sarah had been completely cut out and their friendship ruined, the couple stayed together, eventually welcoming another child. 

Sarah knows she did the right thing in telling her friend of her husband's philandering ways, but it destroyed their friendship.

"I knew the moment I told her that things would never be the same again.... I had a feeling we were over," she says. "I could just tell by the lump in my throat this wasn't going to end well."

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"I was labelled 'marriage wrecker' and 'troublemaker'"

Sarah even admitted to Kidspot she regrets telling her. But... she would definitely do it again. 

"It was horrific and soul-crushing for both of us, more so her. But the way I see it is, imagine if she had never found out he was cheating and then she had to find out everyone around her knew. Now where does she go for support?"

In fact, Sarah did have to do it again just a few years later, something that earned her the title of "marriage wrecker" and "troublemaker" among friends. 

"That was hard," she recalls. "There are no winners in these situations."

The couple were trying for their first child and a lot of people knew he was sleeping around.

Sarah felt obligated to say something for the safety of her friend and their child. 

"Everyone knew and nobody said anything. Imagine if he brought home something and his innocent wife caught it and their new baby also."

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"I'm super careful who I befriend. Losing close friends is painful"

Sarah admits these experiences have completely shaped the way in which she makes and maintains friendships. 

"I'm super careful who I befriend. Losing close friends is painful," she says. 

"We now have children who make friends with their children ... so there's also that loss of friendship."

*Sarah's name and home state have been changed for privacy reasons

Originally published as I showed my friend her husband sent me sexual messages... and she dumped me