I got drunk on a school mums' trip and told a friend her husband is cheating

"Now I'm an outcast at the school gates and my kid isn't invited to anything," the Melbourne mum tells Kidspot.

I recently found out the hard way what it's like to have no mum friends at school.*

Well, it's more than that; I now know what it's like to be completely ostracised, and get death stares at the school gate.

And I only have myself to blame, because I got drunk on a school mums' trip and told one of the other mums in the class that I saw her husband with another woman.

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"I saw him holding hands"

It all began well enough. I was fairly tight with a group of mums, whose kids have been in the same class as my kid for a few years.

Through soccer games, parent coffee meetings, birthday parties and playdates, we'd become close and knew each other's kids - and families - well. You know how it goes.

I considered this group of women mates, who would continue to be so long after the kids finished school. I was so wrong.

We'd been away for a couple of girls' trips over the years, and when the kids were in year six, we decided to do a weekend in Sydney for a shopping trip.

We were all excited to be having a break, and looking forward to eating, drinking, and buying stuff for ourselves for a change.

But the weekend before we left, I saw one of the husbands holding hands with a woman in a restaurant, and it changed everything.

This mum didn't expect the fallout to be so brutal on her and her kid. Source: iStock

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I should have kept my mouth shut

Yes, it could have been the guy's sister or whatever; but I'm not entirely stupid, I know 'romance' when I see it.

I was gutted for my friend, who is a mum of three, and gives everything of herself to her family.

And even though my attitude to her husband changed in an instant, I knew I'd never destroy her by telling her. 

However in Sydney, after a number of drinks, that resolve changed.

In my drunken state (we had all had a bit to drink) I blurted out what I'd seen - in front of three other mums.

Looking back, I can see I had felt an overwhelming rush of love for this good woman, my friend, and suddenly thought she deserved to know. Maybe I also couldn't live with the secret.

"I saw your husband holding hands with a woman at lunch," I suddenly announced. There was a stunned silence as everyone registered what I'd said.

And then, in a chorus, they all started talking, saying things like, "Don't be ridiculous", and "That's not funny, even as a joke."

So, I looked at my friend and told her the time, the place, and described the woman. As I finished talking, I knew I'd done the wrong thing because everyone was horrified.

"I left the next day"

I'm not sure what I was expecting... I guess I hadn't thought that far ahead.

But my friend denied that her husband was cheating, and the vibe turned hostile. I was ignored for the rest of the night.

On the way back to the hotel, one of the mums said to me, "That was a really sh*t thing to do." Then she sped up to walk with the others.

I took an early flight home the next day, and texted everyone to apologise for my ill-timed revelation. I shouldn't have said anything, and I shouldn't have said it in front of others. There was no response... and when I checked later, I'd been removed from the chat.

I've been completely ignored at school ever since, although I do get death-stares when I stand apart from some of the mums at sports games and school events.

I'm not sure if I deserve that treatment, but I guess I can see who my real friends are, as all the years of friendship ultimately counted for nothing.

"It's been hardest on my kid"

But the worst part of all of this is how it has affected my kid, who has stopped being invited to playdates, and whose former mates won't respond to my son's suggestions to come over to ours.

It absolutely breaks my heart, especially because it's obviously my fault. My mistake has put my child in this position of hurt and confusion. Yes, he will make other friends and so will I, but I can see it's going to be very unpleasant when we do come across each other.

I'm so tempted to admit what I've done, so my kid doesn't take it personally; but I just explain instead that friendships come and go. I need to take that advice myself.

It's been a year, and I can see the couple are still together - but I did hear from some gossip that the husband had admitted to a fling.

I don't see that as vindication, or any sort of a victory. But I'm glad my former friend at least has the truth to make informed decisions about her life.

Even though essentially, my own kid has paid the biggest price for that.

*This source is known to Kidspot but wishes to remain anonymous for privacy reasons

This story was published in November 2022 and updated in October 2023.

Originally published as I got drunk on a school mums' trip and told a friend her husband is cheating