Cost-of-living has forced me to give up my two kids

“I can’t live with them again until they’re working adults and can help with the rent,” the upset Adelaide mum reveals.

Josephine Agostino

4 min read

September 19, 2024 - 4:58PM

Lisa with her two teenaged children. Picture: Supplied

Family Life

Don't miss out on the headlines from Family Life. Followed categories will be added to My News.

For 13 years, *Lisa struggled with missing her two children during the time they spent in the care of their father and her ex husband, *Martin.

The Adelaide mum never imagined, however, that one day, she would have to break the news to them that they would need to live with their dad and his new family full time due to a reason that was out of either parent’s control.

At the start of this year, Lisa received a lease renewal notice notifying her the rental of the modest three bedroom home she shared with her children, aged 17 and 15, would be raised by an astronomical $210 per week, from $400 to $610.

Want to join the family? Sign up to our Kidspot newsletter for more stories like this.

“I tried to negotiate it down, but they said it was fair for the market rate and I should find somewhere else if I couldn’t pay it,” the 44-year-old single mum, who works full time in customer service and does food delivery driving, tells Kidspot.

“We had been living there without any issues for three years there but that didn’t matter to them.”

Lisa with her two teenaged children. Picture: Supplied

"I asked if the kids could live with him full time"

For two months, Lisa applied for every property she could, even willing to pay up to $550 for two bedroom units, which was barely what she could afford on her income and child support (she has a 60/40 care split with her ex and he was paying the correct owed amount).

With no luck securing a rental, she and her children were given a brief respite by house sitting for a friend for three months.

During that time, Lisa persisted and widened her search to areas further away, but it was to no avail. In what she calls a ‘low socio economic area’, she was knocked back for everything under $600 and she simply could not afford to apply for anything above that.

“For the very few places I could afford, there were 50 to 100 people at the inspection.”

When it came time to move again a few months ago, Lisa felt completely and utterly stuck.

She considered moving across the country to live with her family members, but her children wanted to remain in their high school and close to their dad.

With that in mind, the independent mum nervously approached her ex, who has since remarried and welcomed two more children, to discuss an unavoidable but heartbreaking option.

“I asked if the kids could live with him and his family full time, and he agreed, as long as I could take the kids to their after school activities and part time jobs, which was fine with me.”

Lisa's kids moved in with their dad after she couldn't afford a rent increase that would have kept them together. Picture: Supplied

"It's been an emotional struggle"

Breaking the news to her children was an emotional day the caring mum will never forget.

“The three of us are very close, so it was very upsetting for all of us and there were tears,” she recalls.

“I reassured them of all the things I would still be involved in. Thankfully, they saw that I was struggling financially and it made logical sense to them.”

While searching for flatshare options, Lisa found a $300-a-week, one bedroom granny flat 15 minutes from Martin’s home, owned by a compassionate empty nester single mum.

“It was really hard,” she says of the first night after the move knowing her children wouldn’t return after a few days like they once did.

Introducing our new podcast: Mum Club! Listen and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts so you never miss an episode.

“We felt forced to be separated and that has been an emotional struggle.”

Despite Martin earning three times more than Lisa, she must now pay him nominal child support as he has 100 percent care.

“It’s a stable place to live and they have their own bedrooms, so in that sense, it’s a good option for the kids,” she says selflessly.

“The only thing they were worried about was the potential tension with their stepmum, but it’s gone a lot better than they thought.”

Lisa said she won't be able to have her children again until they are able to help with the costs of rent. Picture: Supplied

"I was worried they would become angry with me"

Each week, Lisa takes both children to all of their outside school obligations, has dinner with them on one evening and spends lots of time with them and their friends on weekends.

She says the dynamic between her and the kids has actually changed for the better.

“I feel like we have less disagreements about silly little things, because we aren’t together all the time,” she says.

“All the time we do spend together is quality time and we know how special it is. I was worried they would become angry with me, but they are such good kids and so understanding. I heard them say to someone one day, ‘It’s not ideal (to be separated from their mum) but we know that our mum loves us and it’s not been an easy thing for her’.”

Lisa, who is not in a relationship, has painfully come to terms that she will need to remain living alone until her teenagers are old enough to earn their own income and able to contribute financially to sharing a home together again if they wish.

“Unless the housing market crashes, I can’t see a world where I can live with them again anytime soon,” she says sadly.

“I feel guilty, because when the kids were little, I always put them first and stayed home and did what I could to earn money, but maybe if I progressed my career more back then, we could be in a different position now. But I’m thankful we’re still very much connected with each other despite not being near each other all the time.”

*Names have been changed.