ADHD stole our sleep... and nearly our sanity

"We feel like we’ve been suddenly thrust back to the newborn stage."

Ginger Gorman

3 min read

July 28, 2025 - 8:37AM

Parenting

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Parents of children with ADHD describe their family’s lack of sleep, night after night, as a kind of torture that never ends.

The exhaustion seeps into every corner of their lives — work, relationships, mental health — until everything starts to unravel.

When Vanessa and Chris finally get 11-year-old Lucas to bed around 9 pm, they cross their fingers.

They’ve done everything: warm showers, calming videos or audio books, leg massages. They’ve administered the sleep supplement, melatonin.

But Lucas doesn't sleep. He tosses. He turns. He bounces on their bed. Sometimes, he's still awake at 5 am.

Sometimes Lucas is still awake at 5am. Image: Supplied

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"We feel like we have less and less time for ourselves"

Explaining the situation from Lucas' viewpoint, Vanessa says he "...describes his sleep struggles as his brain and body not wanting to stop. He says he wants to keep playing soccer or playing games or anything but sleep."

From a parental perspective, she says the lack of sleep has a huge impact: "We feel like we’ve been suddenly thrust back to the newborn stage. The exhaustion and mental load are difficult, and we find that we become stressed and frustrated a lot easier."

“Chris and I struggle as we are awake all night and still need to function the following day. We have had to take the occasional day off work because falling asleep at 5am and going to work that day is not doable,” Vanessa says.

The impact on Chris' and Vanessa's relationship has been profound.

"Bedtime was our time to talk and reconnect. Instead, this time revolves around sleep routines, and we feel like we have less and less time for ourselves," she continues.

Reflecting on the isolation parents of neurodiverse children often face, Vanessa says: “I find that any time someone asks for support, understanding or advice they are often...made to feel like they are responsible for their child's sleep struggles.

“I wish more people talked about their ND children's sleep issues without fear of judgement.”

Caroline,* another mum, knows the feeling too well. Her daughter KarIa,* 12, rarely falls asleep before midnight.

She's up and down "just getting a glass of water" or to “just check” something.

Often, Karla pretend to be asleep until her mum leaves the room — then sneak her tablet under the covers to scroll or watch videos.

“I'm going to get a safe for her tablet to strictly monitor even better than [I’m able to] with the existing parenting controls,” Caroline explains.

Some nights, Karla settles next to her mum or sleeps with their dog — whatever helps her rest. But the toll on Caroline is heavy.

“If she goes to bed extremely late, I push myself to go to bed even later, so I get ‘me time’ but it means my mental health suffers with my [own] vulnerabilities raised and then I struggle to keep up with routine."

For Caroline, one small parenting trick usually works: “That extra 10 mins of attention and care at bedtime on my part, might save hours of Karla yo-yoing in and out of bed later.”

"There's a lot of stigma"

According to ADHD and executive function coach Ange Nennie, what these families are experiencing is heartbreakingly common.

"Approximately 75% of ADHDers live with some form of sleep disorder, whether it's Insomnia, Sleep Apnea, Restless Leg Syndrome, Narcolepsy, Parasomnias or Circadian Rhythm Disorders, like Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome (DSPS)."

“Add to that, a racing mind, sensory sensitivities, emotional intensity and difficulty with transitions, [and] it's no wonder ADHDers struggle to sleep!”

And when children don't sleep well, Nennie says, they can't regulate well: "They're more likely to be emotional, impulsive, distracted and oppositional the next day. And when we as parents are overtired? Exactly the same."

She point out it's not just sleep that suffers: "The chronic stress takes a toll - not just at home but at work, in your relationships and on your mental health."

Underscoring sentiments expressed by both Vanessa and Caroline, Ange Nennie is painfully aware of just how unsupported so many parents feel.

"There's a lot of stigma and misinformation out there about both ADHD and sleep. I think people often assume it's a behavioural problem or that the child is ‘just being difficult.’

"Some parents have internalised the idea that poor steep is a result of poor parenting."

"And when families do ask for help, they’re often bounced between professionals who don't fully understand ADHD or the neurobiology behind these challenges. That can leave parents feeling helpless or ashamed, so they stop asking,” she says.

This is why Nennie says helping parents is just as important as helping kids. "A regulated parent is one of the most powerful tools in a dysregulated child's life, but they can't pour from an empty cup."

*These names are pseudonyms

Ginger Gorman is a social justice journalist and author. She also has ADHD. Her upcoming book for Harper Collins is called, “Flying not Falling.”