Opinion: How many of these unwritten rules do you follow?

While many people know and follow these unpublished rules, there are some less obvious ones not as commonly practised, writes Gary Martin.

There are things in life that go without saying: hold the door open for others, give up your bus or train seat to a passenger in more need, and offer a helping hand to someone who is struggling.

So you will have noticed how the adherence to many of these unwritten social rules is in free fall.

We seem to be in the midst of a manners meltdown, exposing us to awkward social situations where common courtesies can no longer be taken for granted.

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Our unwritten rules, known as social norms or etiquette, are the guidelines that lubricate our relationships with others.

Take, for example, engaging in conversations with a group of friends. There is an unwritten rule to take turns to speak. Interrupting others can lead to chaos and frustration if some are denied a chance to be heard.

There are also unwritten rules relating to eye contact. While making eye contact shows attentiveness, too much can be interpreted as confrontational – and avoiding it might convey lack of interest or evasiveness.

And in public spaces, such as crowded train stations during peak hours, maintaining a respectful distance from fellow commuters is another social rule.

While many people know and follow these unpublished rules, there are some less obvious ones not as commonly practised.

One is to keep promises. It is never polite to break promises, and do not make a promise if you are not sure you can keep it.

Return borrowed items in good condition and don’t lend out what is not yours, refill borrowed cars with fuel, apologise for mistakes, and avoid giving unsolicited advice are others.

These unwritten rules are learnt through various sources and life experiences, including via family, friends and education, and through the media including social media.

Some would argue unwritten social rules are simply common sense, and it is the common sense that is in decline.

We are often quick to judge or criticise those who are unaware of our unwritten rules.

A more constructive approach is one that deploys large doses of understanding and patience, as well as a willingness to educate rather than condemn.

To rescue us from a prevailing courtesy calamity, we must shed more light on our unspoken social rules to address this issue head-on.

So which social rule do you believe deserves more emphasis?

Professor Gary Martin is a workplace and social affairs expert

Originally published as Opinion: How many of these unwritten rules do you follow?