Nikki Osborne: My role reversal with husband made me a chauvinist

Since swapping roles with my husband, I’ve caught myself asking “What did you do all day?”. I’m starting to realise I might be the problem, writes Nikki Osborne.

Nikki Osborne asks should women expect the same level of housekeeping from stay-at-home dads? Picture: Adam Head

Gendered roles still play a large part in society whether we like it or not.

I’m not surprised. We’ve got centuries of conditioning that we can’t unprogram overnight. Plus, like it or lump it, we weren’t physically, mentally, emotionally or hormonally engineered equal so naturally roles fall in favour of strengths.

There’s a theory currently doing the rounds on the internet that the 9-5 work schedule was engineered around the male hormone cycle, which is a 24-hour cycle.

Between the hours of 9-5 men are at their strongest, then they dip between 5-7pm, which is meant to be their rest and reset time, then they’re back to peak performance same time the next day.

Whereas women are on a 28-day cycle whereby they are incredibly productive for the first 7-10 days (not hours) then they need to take their foot off the gas to rest and reset.

So one could argue that the current work schedule is engineered for the comfort of men and it’s no surprise that they still dominate the workforce.

This insight has no bearing on the point I’m about to make, however, it is a fascinating theory that I believe needs more research.

Who does the bulk of housekeeping in your relationship?

For a long time I was the one at home doing the lion’s share of child raising and housekeeping.

Although I worked, it was a show here and a gig there, and so as I had more time, I naturally assumed the “housekeeper” role. “Naturally” is a dangerous word in this context as it suggests that I felt “keeping house” was my natural environment.

Meanwhile, my husband, who was working full time, slotted into the “provider” role. He assumed as he was at work more, “naturally” he would come home to a cooked meal and fed, bathed and read children. And he did. OK, I didn’t read to them but we at least watched FailArmy videos together.

Fast forward to now. Over the past two years the roles have swapped.

As my career has taken precedence, my husband has stepped into the carer/housekeeper role.

For the most part he has done an exceptional job. Our kids are thriving and our BAS isn’t overdue. Also, I should note, he doesn’t complain. In fact, he’s enjoying it. I have noticed, however, that I expect more from him at home than what he feels is fair. I’m like: “What do you mean fair?! I’m out there working my arse off so I expect certain things
in return.”

Nikki Osborne and her husband have swapped roles. Picture: Peter Wallis

As I was saying these phrases out loud it suddenly dawned on me: OMG, I’m a chauvinist. Can a woman be a chauvinist? I’m saying the very phrases that generations of women label oppressive and unequal.

I started to reflect on all the other phrases that would often spill out of my mouth as I walk in after work.

“Why isn’t this done?”, “What did you do all day?”, “Why isn’t the laundry done?”, “Why don’t you have lunch ready for when I get home?”

If these phrases are said in the reverse it’s an affront to womankind so why do I think it’s OK to return serve now?

Oh my goodness gracious me, I’m everything I can’t stand in a man. Sure, I did more when I was at home than he does now but just because I volunteered those services doesn’t mean I should demand them from him now does it?

So my question is this: should women expect the same level of housekeeping from stay-at-home dads? Or is that just reverse chauvinism?

Originally published as Nikki Osborne: My role reversal with husband made me a chauvinist